tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66587625359621725042024-02-18T20:32:59.863-05:00NOVA Parenting~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.comBlogger394125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-86064863535995038412012-06-08T11:42:00.001-04:002012-06-08T11:42:54.076-04:00Bad DreamI had one of those really horrendous dreams last night. You know the type...the ones that affect your entire day and put you in a weird funk. I dreamed my husband died.<br />
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He didn't die of anything dramatic. No car crash. No crazy murder scene or anything like that. In my dream he just died and quite suddenly when we were on vacation and I just sat there shocked. I just kept asking myself over and over...."wait...what just happened?". I just almost didn't know how to react...should I scream or should I cry...should I do both? I remember feeling that I needed to calm myself because the kids were there. God, I hate feeling this. It was too real and too damn scary. Even when writing this tears are flowing down my face reliving this emotion that I don't want to feel. The feeling of loss, what will happen to my children and how will we cope in life?<br />
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My husband is an amazing man and a fantastic Dad. He's very quiet but when he says something he means it and when he jokes he is quite hilarious. His world is my world. We are truly best friends. I just can't imagine my world without him. I love him very much.<br />
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Thank God we have a date planned tonight. I need it to get me out of this crappy feeling and to hang onto my man for a little while.<br />
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<br />~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-11436315596238874172012-05-25T20:52:00.000-04:002012-05-25T20:52:31.867-04:00KindergartenIts started...well sort of. We (my son and I) had his Kindergarten orientation for the Fall. It was in two phases with just the parents on one day and another day we had the kids come with the parents for their own introduction. It was mind boggling, overwhelming, exciting and bitter sweet.<br />
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The parents orientation gave an overview of everything from size of backpacks (no damn rolling back packs or ones with too many pockets...gotcha) lunch cost, and all about transportation. The only thing that made me feel a bit better is knowing how safe they make it for the little kids to go back and forth to school. Obviously I knew they would make some attempt to keep the kids safe, but their policies are pretty great. I left there saying something I never thought I would say...I'll be joining the PTA. I don't crave the spotlight or feeling like I need to fill a void somewhere in my life. My life is plenty busy. I am doing it for selfish reasons. I want to know the faculty in the school and participate and have a say in the activities my son will be in.<br />
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The orientation for my son was on a different scale. They were separated from their parents to explore a Kindergarten classroom. When they called the rising Kindergarteners up, he took off and never looked back. I didn't see any hesitation, didn't get a wave or even a look back. I was glad he didn't hesitate...he never really does. I just wish he at least looked back and gave me one his beautiful grins. It was just another reminder that he is growing up. The parents were taken on tour groups to different parts of the school. My husband and I both kept commenting how much he'll love it. The art room was enormous and cool (even for an adult). It had pottery wheels, beautiful works of art hung from the ceiling and a really neat kiln. The music room looked really fun and he'll thoroughly enjoy all the musical instruments. He loves playing anything he can get his hands on. The gym is certainly going to be a favorite for Zaichik and his never ending energy. The computer lab is going to blow his mind because he only uses our laptop as a special treat at home. Finally, the library is just really cool with a huge aquarium and a fun stadium like reading area. <br />
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I love that Zaichik is so sure of himself. It makes it easy to go through these big milestones in life. I would never tell him I'm nervous for him or let him show my anxiety. Quietly and secretly I'm calling out for him in the inside and wish I could scoop up my baby and run like a mad, crazy woman out of the school. This whole school business is a new territory I have never experienced before. Sure he goes to day care because I work, but I have a lot more control. I know his teachers as I talk to them every single day. I know the kids he hangs out with and I also have talked to the directors about my concerns. While I will sort of have that at his school, it certainly will not be on an everyday basis.<br />
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Kindergarten for any parent going through it the first time is just freaking hard. Its hard handing the reins over and seeing your little baby take another big leap into kid-hood. I just hope he doesn't grow up too much. I hope he still has time to snuggle up on my lap, give me a million kisses/hugs before he leaves me and still tells me how much he loves me. He's my stinky boy, but that boy has such a beautiful sweet side that I just wouldn't trade for the world. I just don't want to lose that too quickly.<br />
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I love you Zaichik. Mommy is so proud of you but stop growing up so darn quickly!<br />
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<br />~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-88528146996608005342012-04-20T22:40:00.001-04:002012-04-20T22:40:46.749-04:00Day TripIts great living in an area where there is so much to do. There are museums, parks, farms, etc., We have visited and seen many of them with our kids. Most of them we have visited places several times like Frying Pan Park or Udvar Hazy Museum. Last weekend my husband surprised me with planning his own trip (I usually plan all outings) and it was a place neither of us have ever been before. I love exploring new places so I was pumped to see what he had in store for us. I also LOVED the fact that I didn't have to plan a darn thing.<br />
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Our trip ended up being going to the Natural Bridge in central Virginia. It is a decent drive, but there were so many activities we could do it would certainly be worth it. Once we arrived we had the option of taking 100+ stairs or taking the shuttle down to the bottom of the hill. I looked at my four year old, the double stroller and the baby and knew the shuttle would be absolutely necessary so we could save as much energy as possible for the day that lay ahead. We arrived after a two minute ride, set up the stroller and I was absolutely amazed by what I saw in front of me. I have never seen it before and viewing images of it just doesn't do it justice. The bridge was peaceful, beautiful and just awe inspiring. There were also several snakes swimming up and down the stream or resting on the rocks. Thankfully there was a nice wall separating us and them. Further down the path we visited an Indian village and a cave that my son absolutely loved. I told him that we had to be careful about the trolls living underneath the bridge that lead to the various landmarks on the Natural Bridge map, which made his eyes full of wonder. I love his imagination and told him that if he sang a song then the troll would let us cross. My four year old belted out a tune, holding his hands in the air like a preaching gospel singer and filled the woods with lyrics from the Peter Pan play. The troll fib proved to be a good idea because you just can't ask for cuteness like that. My son was a tad disappointed that we couldn't fully explore the cave, but thankfully my husband bought a package that included a cavern tour.<br />
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After the beauty of the Natural Bridge, we headed off to the cavern which was very close by. He loved every bit of it. There was no fear or complaint about the steps, the slippery parts of the path or the cold. He did make a few comments that we probably should have brought jackets, but after coming in from the warm Spring air it really was a welcome relief. The tour guide thankfully was patient and answered all of my sons questions about why this or why that about the cavern. He really did have some interesting questions! Although if you have a four year old we know the why stage. It can be a bit tedious at times because the questions never seem to end. I try answering all of them until they get to a silly state and my son is knowingly teasing me.<br />
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After our cavern tour, we headed off to finish our last place for the day. We went to the Safari park where you can drive your car through a park, look and feed (if you buy a bucket of food) animals. You can feed any animal with exception of some long horn cattle, Zebras and bison. I let the four year ride in my lap, so I could help him with the feed and give him the most optimal view of the animals. The animals know the drill and certainly are ready for you when you go into the park. We laughed as we fed the llamas but I absolutely refused to feed larger animals. This is just a personal preference as I think some of them are a bit aggressive for me and for my four year old to handle. My husband did not share the same preferences and fed some emu's and a ostrich. It was all fine and good until he was feeding two emus at a time and one emu got angry with the other emu and they started a pecking war at each other. That was quite amusing. My husband decided to stay out of that fight and rolled up the window. One emu noticed this and wanted his food and started pecking at the window. The memory of watching this enormous bird pecking at our window still cracks me up. We headed further into the park and fed more animals. My son, husband and I never laughed so hard. The animals were cute and the thrill of it was just fun. At another point in the road my husband decided to feed a female moose. This animal was too large for me, so the windows went up. The moose was enjoying its feed until another female moose saw this moose indulging on food that she potentially could have so she charged the moose. The other moose did not want to back down so they started hoofing each other and kicked the car with their hoof. Note, don't bring your most prized car to the park. The hoofing was one thing, but if you roll up your window you do accumulate animal sludge from their nose/mouth on your windows and car. I would also advise to be careful of the damn camels. One car in front of us was feeding a camel and the camel stole the bucket right out of the lady's hand and dumped it into its mouth. The passenger of the car put its fist up and drove on. It was pretty hilarious. However, if you ever drive up to a camel (at least the ones that they had) there was NO way in heck I was opening my window to something thats head is as big as the car window itself. I also know these things spit. Llamas do too but they aren't quite as impressive on their height or body mass. I don't know if anyone has ever got spit on but I'd rather not take the risk. However we ended the Safari Park laughing until our stomachs hurt. I can't recommend visiting this place enough. My husband will say his favorite part of the whole trip is watching Zaichik and I laugh hysterically. I think it made his day.<br />
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The area had plenty of other activities and places to see as well. There was a wax museum, a dinosaur park and some haunted something or other. The drive is far from Northern Virginia but you can never run out of things to do. I recommend visiting this area to anyone regardless if you have kids, older kids or very young kids. My one year old even got something out of it as she loved seeing the animals and didn't mind snoozing on the stroller ride through the Natural Bridge site. The best part about the Natural Bridge/Cavern tour is any kid four and under is free! If you need an idea of where to go during a stay-cation or just a day trip on the weekend, this is a must see.<br />
<br />~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-82107235178704710282012-04-14T21:38:00.002-04:002012-04-14T21:59:08.799-04:00Free RoamThere is a new place that I absolutely love to go to. I honestly look forward to it everytime I go for not only the company but because it brings me a little back to my childhood roots.<br /><br />My mother in law (other Mom) bought a house not too long ago in a very suburban area but with a ton of land for a spectacular price. This is almost unheard of in Northern Virginia. If you live here, you know it doesn't happen...ever. She and her husband even talked about because they have so much property, that they would like to sub-divide it someday to give it to my husband and I to build a house on. If that happens then great. I certainly wouldn't turn it down. A chance to get out of the town house community to a larger area where my kids can run around in, right next door to grandparents, in a great county (not that mine isn't but its always nice moving to one that is also nice) and actually build a custom house that has everything I want... I. Its really a no brainer. If it doesn't happen I'm fine with it too. I figure its in God's hands to let everything work itself out.<br /><br />In any case I love going there for the whole feeling. I love sitting outside of their partial wrap around porch enjoying the fresh air while my son runs with the wind. I hear him cackle like a crazy kid loving every minute of the room he has to run around in. My daughter who really doesn't have an opinion right now always takes in the open air and before long is snoozing away for a several hour nap. The porch reminds me of my Grandfather's. Peaceful and full of family. I guess thats why I love wrap around porches. Some of my fondest memories of my Grandparents are of us sitting on their front porch playing cards, watching the fireflies light up, listening to my Nagymama pray with her rosary and talking about everything and anything. <br /><br />The wide open space is something else I just don't see much of. Its just awesome. I'm not worried about my son being in someones yard, or him being close to a busy street. He has tons of room to move around, ride his bike, and whatever other thing he feels like getting into. By the end of the day both kids are so worn out from being outside that they usually pass out in the car five minutes down the road. Its good being outside like that. I would always be outside as a kid and I think kids now days do spend too much time inside. I always try to take Zaichik outside. He benefits greatly from it as do I with requested early bed times. <br /><br />Not to mention, there is a farm down the road with horse, chickens and a rooster with a farmer who is very very laid back and very kind. His rules are that that there are no rules on his farm for kids unless there is a safety concern. He tells all parents that if he sees something he doesn't like then he'll tell the kid no. The parents need not worry or feel like we're burdening him. Its nice but harder than you think. You really do learn how much you tell your kid NO when you keep having to bite your tongue. <br /><br />I also just love being with family there. My mother in law as much as we had a rough start to our relationship when I was first married (with good reason but not my fault), is one of the most gracious hosts. She literally offers up her house and welcomes guests over. I also adore her husband. He really does love the kids and has a giving heart to my family. <br /><br />Its my new place. Another place thats like home to me. I'm glad for it. I'm glad my kids have such a wide area to run around. I love that it brings me warm memories of my childhood and hopefully my children will have some amazing memories from there as well.~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-33524595039878714002012-03-24T20:57:00.003-04:002012-03-24T21:40:58.628-04:00After LASIKFrom my last post you could certainly tell I was one scared and anxious person. I didn't know what exactly to expect. I was scared that something would go seriously and horribly wrong. I am happy to say that the LASIK surgery was successful but I wish I had gotten it done sooner. <br /><br />On the day of surgery I was working from home that morning. I did everything and anything I could to keep busy. I was thankful for having some work to do but I was so nervous I had to repeat some of the same tasks over again after reviewing prior to sending them out because I wasn't thinking 100% clearly. I was over anxious even with my husband holding my hand every so often. <br /><br />When we got to the surgery center, I was almost in a state of panic. I was thinking how I could dart out the door and hide in the nearest bush so no one could find me. It was ridiculous, but I was scared. I don't remember being that scared or anxious ever...even when I had my babies. I just sort of knew everything was going to be fine when I had my kids. With my first I had no idea what to expect and with the second as long as I got the beautiful epidural then I was fine...even with two days in the ICU. I didn't wait long unti they called me back to put me in a exam room. The nurse went over all my medicine, last minute questions put drops in my eyes and gave me my happy pills. The doctor then came into the room, examined my eyes (I think..this part is foggy) and asked if I had any last minute questions. I had a few that I couldn't remember from my video and other meetings like when I could wear makeup again (after a week) or when I was able to shower. For some reason I thought they didn't want you to shower, but they just said to be careful not to put soap in my eyes. The nurse came in one more time and told my husband and I that I needed to take it easy for the next week or so. No grilling, no vacuuming, no tanning beds, no dusting, etc., I was fine with that!<br /><br />Next they put me in a dark room to relax. It had a waiting chair for your guest and a lounge chair for you. A monitor played nearby with a looping image of a beach with the sound of waves splashing on shore. I was paranoid as all hell. I was scared. I kept hoping the drugs they gave me would put me in an almost zoned out mode...it didn't. The paranoia got worse as I SWORE the screen they played was one of those internet videos where you watch a calming clip and at the very end something jumps out and scares the crap out of you. Hubby brought up the fact the doctor looked like the crazy doctor from a Cruz movie that took out an eyeball. He got mad stank eye for that and I told him to tell me about a nice memory. He did as he was told. He knew at that point there was no messing with me. Then the doctor asked if I was ready and called me back. I told him no. HA!<br /><br />I got up anyways and headed out the door while my husband went to the waiting room. I was laid down on the operating table. It wasn't a metal cold table you would see in the movies. It was like a semi-cushy doctor table. They put a wedge under my legs so I would be comfortable and handed me a stuffed Nemo to hold. I felt a bit ridiculous holding a stuffed animal for comfort, but as the seconds went on I was glad I had something to hold onto. The doctor put in some more drops and then came the dreaded eyeball holder. I was thinking it would be painful and REALLY uncomfortable, but it was not. It was a little pressure but no more then you putting slight pressure on your eye with your wrist. It was just a bit weird. Then they put the machine over your face and at first I thought I'd have some claustrophobic issues with something that close to my eyeball. After all I HATED that puff machine at the eye doctors. It was nothing like that. It was quick and not as annoying as the puff machine. When they cut the flap it looked like I was staring at a constellation. It wasn't that scary gray that they said you would see. It was like staring at a night sky and actually a little peaceful. As paranoid and scared as I was, it was a relief that I wasn't panicky. Then again, they had my eyeball in a suction thing and I wasn't moving around with them cutting flaps on my eyeballs. After the first flap was cut they told me to close my eye and they put gauzy tape over my eye and then repeated the process with the other eye.<br /><br />Once both eyes were cut they pivoted me over to the other machine. I looked up and saw a blurry laser light and heard a clicking noise. They told me to keep staring at the light which I did. I smelt what was a faint smell of burning hair and the doctor put more drops in my eyes and looked like he used some small feather/fan tool to put my flap back down. He then repeated this process with the other eye. At NO time did I feel a damn thing. As paranoid and freaked out as I was, it was VERY quick and I didn't feel that nature response to run out of there. The puff machine at the eye doctor was TEN times the annoyance and intensity LASIK was. If you remember the machine that you look at with the hot air balloon...its kind of like that. Its easy, painless and quick.<br /><br />After I was done, the doctor sat me up and I was brought to a chair in the operating room. I could see! I could see the clock across the room. It was a little foggy, but it was marvelous!!! The doctor re-examined my eyes with that microscope tool they use at the regular eye doctor and told me I did great. He took a picture with me and I was out of there. My husband who heard me walking out of the operating room met me half way and told me I was in there no more then 10-15 minutes. I put the sunglasses they gave me and walked with my husband, holding his hand to the car. It wasn't that I couldn't see because I could, but I needed that extra reassurance to guide me to the car so I wouldn't trip or anything.<br /><br />When I got into the car, I had my tylenol PM waiting for me with a drink. I took three of them. I have never taken tylenol PM before in my life so I figured that would do the trick. Boy did it ever! I went home, put the prescribed drops in my eyes which was a little scary. It started to sting ever so slightly so I put the numbing drop they sent me home with. I was glad I did since I wouldn't be able to use it except for that one period of time before I go to bed. The Tylenol PM started kicking in, I put the goggles on my eyes and passed out. It felt like I slept for five minutes when my husband woke me up telling me it had been three hours and that I needed to put more drops in my eyes. He had the drops waiting for me and told me which ones to put in. He later brought me dinner and we went to bed at our usual time.<br /><br />In my days following my procedure, I have found that my eyes are incredibly sensitive to light. Its normal though. I just live like a vampire during the day and wear the glasses the LASIK doctors gave me when I go outside. I have actually been thankful for overcast days and a rainy weekend. Even bright restaurants like Five Guys is a bit painful for my eyes, so I would highly recommend going to low lit restaurants if you MUST go out.<br /><br />A few things that I would highly recommend that made my procedure easy:<br /><br />- Get all prescriptions WAY in advance. Its just nice knowing there wasn't anything to do last minute. You need them the day before anyways to get your meds started with your eyes<br /><br />- Buy Tylenol PM. Someone gave me that piece of advice and I was so thankful I had NO trouble going to sleep in the middle of the day. I shouldn't of taken so much, but it certainly made me sleep well.<br /><br />- If possible, have someone be your medicine helper. I was glad my husband had the sheet of paper with all the drops I had to take. He told me which ones to put in my eyes and then reminded me that day to put additional drops in my eyes. It was just nice to have.<br /><br />- If you're doing this in the middle of the work day, take the next day off for yourself or really don't plan anything huge the next day. I was sleepy and just wanted to rest. I think the stress wore me out but I also was weary of my eyes. I wanted to rest them as much as possible. Plus you have the follow up appointment the day after. <br /><br />- I probably didn't 100% need it, but I was glad someone else drove me to my day after appointment with my eye doctor. I didn't want to be apprehensive on worrying if I could drive myself. <br /><br />-Wear comfy clothes on the day of surgery that you can sleep in. I wore a t-shirt and sweat pants. They say its a little chilly in the operating room. I for one am always cold, but I was plenty comfortable wearing that. <br /><br />-I am a list person but I have so many things I do each day that I forget things. The drops are extremely important to take, so I check off all the drops I take each time I take them. This way I'm not wondering if I only put 1,2,3 or 4 drops in and what drops was it.<br /><br />-If possible, max out your health flex and use it on your surgery. The upfront cost doesn't seem so bad since you're paying most of it throughout the year.<br /><br />In all it went great. It is amazing being able to see again. My eyesight right now is 20/15. I keep thinking that I need to take my contacts out before bed or try to adjust the non-existent glasses on my face. I wish I had done this procedure years ago, but I was a wuss and as a newly wed didn't have money to spare. I also felt guilty as hell spending so much money on myself. I would recommend this to anybody as nothing is more amazing being able to wake up and see across the room and not worry about wearing glasses or contacts and all the crap you have to bring for it.~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-60724258071768339192012-03-19T21:45:00.005-04:002012-03-19T22:01:42.464-04:00LASIKTomorrow I'm going in for LASIK...and I'm completely freaked out. I have been waiting forever to get it and had one set back forcing it to get postponed, but I'm entirely freaked out about the entire process. I keep thinking...its my eyes. I pray and hope to God that everything is fine. It is the unknown that freaks me out.<br /><br />LASIK is something I never thought I would do. It sounds martyr like when I say this (and I'm not trying to), but I don't buy things for myself. Shopping for just me consists of the twice a year when my Mom and I go out for my birthday and Christmas shopping. Other then that...I don't buy things really. I'd rather spend it on my kids, husband, house, dogs or whatever. The last person I spend money on usually is me. I even force myself to get haircuts twice a year because I hate spending the time away from my kids. I literally feel guilty and watch the clock the entire time and often talk myself out of telling them NOT to blow dry my hair because I'm afraid it will sound tacky and I should just take that extra ten minutes. Forking over THOUSANDS was hard...really hard. I talked myself into it after needing $400 worth of contacts, a upgrade with my lens for glasses, the cost of solution and contact cases and the annoying cornea infection I had due to my contacts earlier last year. I figured if I maxed out my health flex spending account and saved a little, then why not. I figured with the cost of upkeeping my eyes that it will easily pay for itself in a few years time.<br /><br />After I got the consultation, got the approval, got the dialation, paid...I had a set back on my surgery date. At the pre-op they told me that my eyes were dry and I need to do x,y,z to correct it. I followed that plan religiously for the next week never DREAMING that I'd not have surgery. The time came, got my eyes checked and I was told I couldn't have it for another few weeks. Logically I got why. I don't want someone poking around my eyes when they aren't ready. Emotionally it was another story. I was a wreck. I bawled in the doctors office. It wasn't a sniff sniff cry...it was an ugly cry. I had hyped myself up so much on this impending surgery and for nothing to happen was just an enormous emotional let down. <br /><br />Now its just hours before I am getting this and my mind is racing. I'm thinking about the cutting of the flap, being on an operating table (I never have been on one) and them messing with my eyes. I know the result is amazing, but I can't help wonder if something will go wrong. I kept looking at my children tonight silently praying that after tomorrow I'll be able to see them again. Its a morbid way of thinking about something that is completely optional, but it makes you wonder. My kids are my world and well I like having some sight even if I'm blind as a bat without glasses. <br /><br />I need to meditate. I need to pray. I need to think of how awesome the results will be. I compare it a lot to childbirth...you really don't want to go through the experience, but the end result is going to be worth it. I just pray, hope and wish everything goes well tomorrow. I just want the entire thing to be done with and see well. Pray for me. Its going to be a long day tomorrow....~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-82932172741108964952012-03-10T21:04:00.002-05:002012-03-10T21:58:52.241-05:00The BoyI read a blog tonight about how Mom's are jealous and a contract for your son's future wife. It is nothing like the well known "Application to Date My Daughter". It discussed how quickly the cuddles will end and how one day they won't want to kiss you front of your friends. Then the article in my opinion went a little astray from there, where it was basically insisting that his future wife call you awesome, think you're awesome, etc., It was basically a guide to kissing butt. I hate nothing more then people kissing each others asses. I don't like brown nosers either. Its fake and it annoys me. I decided to rewrite that blog to be a little bit more realistic for me, so here it goes.....<br /><br />My son is almost five. He is all boy and loves getting dirty. Tonight he was rolling down a dirt hill laughing hysterically while getting caked with leaves, dirt and grass stains. Its him. He has so much energy, life and such a wonderful spirit. He also loves on his Mom like no ones business. He's mine. Anyone that knows us, knows that Zaichik is more up to what his Mom is doing versus what his Dad is doing. I keep getting told this will change. Some people tell me after he turns five he'll be wanting to do more things with his Dad as boys gravitate more to doing "dude things". I'm sure there a lot of truth in it, but I'm not ready to let any bit of that go. <br /><br />Zaichik loves giving me kisses and hugs over and over again every time he is leaving me. My husband comments its just his way of procrastinating, but I honestly don't care what my son's reasoning is. I'm soaking it up and loving every minute of it. I know one day he won't kiss and hug me as much. Zaichik is thoughtful when it comes to his Mom. Every time he sees a flower (and I'm not exaggerating on EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.)he either has to pick it for me or show it to me and beams ear to ear when I tell him how beautiful it is and what a terrific find it is. My lap is rarely free as I always have him or his sister or even both kids occupying it. I love hearing the "I want you Mom. I want to cuddle." coming from his little four year old lips while looking at me with those sweet puppy eyes. I always have a lap available for whoever wants to sit on it. I love that when he is out with his Dad or Grandparents that if he gets a treat like a cookie he will also ask if he can have one for me. He just thinks about that kind of thing, which to me is incredibly thoughtful for a kiddo his age. Maybe one day he'll be thoughtful like this to his wife.<br /><br />I'm busy raising a little boy to be a man someday. I want him to be a gentleman and for him to know how to treat women. For example, call me old fashion but opening doors and letting ladies go first should be something he does. Nothing disgust me more when I see a man knowingly bypass a woman and not hold a door open. Thankfully it's already starting to get ingrained into Zaichik as he often holds the door for people. I just want him to be a loving son, a great friend and hopefully a devoted husband and Dad that treats those around him with respect and love.<br /><br />As for his wife. I know I'll be a little jealous HOWEVER I will also be overjoyed when he finds that person that he will want to spend the rest of his life with. I hope and pray he has a great relationship like his Dad and I have. We're best friends. We're teammates in life. I hope Zaichik and his wife give me tons of grandbabies to love on. I hope his wife also becomes like a daughter to me. I don't want to be the horrendous, monster in law. I want her to call me, seek advice, and know I'm there for her as I'm there for my son. I don't want her to see me as some judgy, scary bitch of a Mom that she has to deal with on special occasions. <br /><br />I do my best to have a great relationship with my own mother in law. Sure we had a rocky year the first year I was married to her son. We had a great relationship before I married her son, but there was a time when it wasn't as great. I blame that mostly on her struggling with a huge event that happened in her life right before my husband and I got married. She felt that she was losing everything she knew. I get that. We mended our relationship over time and now its great. I ask her advice on different things, invite her to come over as often as she can and call her a lot. In fact not too long ago we had a three hour phone conversation late one night talking about all sorts of things. She doesn't view me as the person who stole her son away but sees me as her daughter. We're friends. I genuinely love her and look forward to seeing her. We truly are friends and I love we have that relationship.<br /><br />I know my son will find a wife someday. I know things will change in our relationship. I just don't want what I have now to pass too quickly. I also know that with time there is change. I hope he finds a beautiful soul to bring into the family. I want another addition to the family. Above everything I want my son to be happy. I also hope that he'll always give me a huge bear hug goodbye and kiss on my cheek. While the cuddles won't always be there, I hope he gives me a grandson or a granddaughter that I can cuddle and love. For now though I'll enjoy where we are, the multiple hugs and kisses goodbye, the cuddles on the lap and the occasional flower that he brings home just for his Mama. <br /><br />I love you Zaichik.~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-75852241440188490742012-02-13T21:09:00.002-05:002012-02-13T21:34:06.617-05:00Happy (early) Valentine's DayHubby and I don't celebrate Valentine's in a huge way. We already had our date (which was fabulously awesome by the way) and I'm sure there will be something small we give to each other tomorrow. I already got him something he has been wanting and was smart enough to put away. Valentine's isn't a huge deal to us but its always nice to be thought of/remembered. Who doesn't want to be thought of especially when romance and all that jazz is put into the back burner just a tad when you have two small kids running around? It is just nice to bring it up on the front burner every now and then.<br /><br />I really do have a great husband. It sounds braggy and really I'm not trying to be a nah nah nah in your face about it because that isn't me. I just love him and thinks he's the cats meow. He really does do a lot for the kiddos and me that I'm so very appreciative of. He cooks, cleans, and fixes random things for us. He certainly keeps our house up to date with technology. Without him I think we'd be lost with old Nokia cell phones, analog televisions and I'd be dead in the water trying to figure out how to connect to the internet. I could probably figure it all out, but its just nice he does something he enjoys while I reap the benefits of him keeping us up with technology. <br /><br />Hubby is freaking hilarious lately. He usually is. He's a quiet quiet quiet man but when he opens his mouth he's just freaking hilarious. Its like he saves it all day and when he has something to say its just genius sarcasm or hilariousness. I love it!<br /><br />I love how he also continues to push me to be a better person. Not in the annoying way of what he thinks I should be. He just wants me to do more for myself because he knows I don't. Its just nice that he cares about my personal growth and wanting me to do more then just kid stuff. He made a comment once about how the kids will grow up one day and be long gone and then what will I do with myself? I jokingly said well maybe I'll just have a dry spell for a few years once they move out and get married and then I'll have grand kids. I just love my little world of kiddos even when it gets insanely annoying. I'm not perfect...obviously. There are days when I want to pull my hair out of my head (the hair my daughter hasn't pulled out yet) and run into another direction. We've all been there...don't deny it.<br /><br />Hubby and I have talked a lot about how we met lately too which is always good to reminiscence. Its was a bitter sweet memory though with some parts. Mainly old memories were brought up by the anniversary of our friends death who took a role in how we got together. It put both of us in a funk for a day. It was just interesting hearing for the first time or even rehearing his perspective and him being surprised with part of my perspective. We were meant to be. I'm glad hubby fought for me. I would of been in a very different place right now. I don't discount who I was with but I'm where I wanted to be. I don't know if that would of happened had I stayed around or took another path. Everything just happened for a reason I suppose.<br /><br />I am just thankful and feel so blessed to have such a wonderful man be my husband. He's thoughtful, kind, sincere, honest, loyal, hilarious, passionate, romantic, not too hairy, not balding, loveable, sweet, pride without vanity, silly, and cute husband and awesome father to my kids. I'm just glad he's also my best friend. <br /><br />Love you babe! Happy Valentine's Day!~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-66401777636352980352012-02-06T21:18:00.002-05:002012-02-06T21:54:01.013-05:00Adventure Guides and PrincessesEach quarter my company puts out a newsletter. I always read it cover to cover. Its great to keep up with whats going on in my company and especially the people in it. I was pleasantly surprised in one of the articles that an employee was active in the YMCA program called Adventure Guides and Princesses (formerly known as Indian Princesses). By the end of the article I was beaming and had mini flashbacks of my childhood. I was once an Indian Princess.<br /><br />The program itself is really amazing. If you google it, Adventure Guides and Princess centers around forming a bond between father and son or daughter and just having fun. It isn't like the boy scouts or girl scouts where it focuses more on achievement with a lot less parent involvement. With Adventure Guides you have a monthly meeting where it begins with a beat of your tribe drum, a few meeting agenda items like what monthly activity will be next and then a talking stick goes around and a child or parent can talk about whatever they want. No one can talk except the person that has the stick. The talking stick helps build confidence and the ability to speak in front of a group. Usually each month there is a small activity that you can choose to go or not go to such as ice skating, hiking, miniature golf, etc., Each year there is two camp outs one with tents and another at YMCA camp with cabins where food is prepared for you by YMCA staff. These camp outs have all sorts of activities from horse back riding, archery, canoeing, swimming, basketball, etc., It also has derby races and other small events throughout the year that the Dads put together for their kids. There is also a YMCA lock in where you spend the night at the YMCA playing basketball, swimming, etc., It is 100% fun and I don't know any other program like it.<br /><br />I joined Indian Princess (now Adventure Guides/Princesses) at a very young age. I loved being with my Dad one on one going to each adventure. It was something we had together that my Mom was not apart of. No offense to my Mom at all, as I was a complete Mama's girl, but Moms couldn't meddle with whatever we were doing. Usually I'd leave to a camp out with a french braid and come back with the same hair do (a lot more messy) because we just didn't stop to comb my hair. It wasn't a huge priority really. We just played hard the entire time with tetherball, hiking, canoeing, etc., I just had the time of my life with my Dad. I remember those camp outs so fondly and the only way I could describe it was complete childhood freedom. I got dirty, swam in lakes and cruised through woods. Baths? Peh yeah right! I was too busy having fun! <br /><br />I know the YMCA program really helped established the great relationship I have with my Dad to this day. He loved it. I loved it. I just could not say enough about how awesome it was. I eventually aged out of the program and how I HATED that. I had to say goodbye after eight long years of loving this awesome experience and it was sad for me to move on. <br /><br />What I did find out and what I am just over the moon is that there is a local co ed Adventure Guide (boys) and Princess group that my son can join with my husband this Fall. I approached my husband on it and while some of the activities like rock climbing may be a bit much for him to do at such a young age, its okay because not everyone is required to go to every single event. Its if you want to and if you can make it. You aren't looked down on or thrown out of the group. Its very relaxed environment. <br /><br />I am just so pleased that another generation can enjoy something so unique and precious. A bond between a Dad and child is precious. This program helps solidifies their relationship and I'm all for that. Knowing the impact it has made in my life and still makes in my life is just awesome. I encourage everyone to join this program. It is cheap (I think YMCA membership for this is around $25) and all it requires is a Dads time with his young child(ren). You really can't beat something that promotes bonding like that. Its priceless. <br /><br /><br /> "Friends Forever".~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-3819511539998832052012-01-20T22:41:00.002-05:002012-01-20T23:06:32.926-05:00Mommy CrazinessToday while I was at the food store in line to check out, I heard a conversation between two Moms that literally made me want to gag. They were the OVER braggy Moms. I'm all for bragging about your kids. I do it. I love hearing my friends or family talk about their childrens milestones. We are all proud Moms and love nothing more about talking about our kids...but I hate when it goes to the extreme. Their conversation went something like this:<br /><br />Mom 1: Jake got on the honor roll at school. Straight A's!<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Good for Jake! Glad for him</span><br /><br />Mom 2: Nathan got on the honor roll at school too. Second time he's gotten all A's<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Awesome for Nathan!</span><br /><br />Mom 1: Yeah Jake got a 100% in his Geometry class. He obviously has my math genes.<br /><br />Mom 2: That is so great! Nathan got a 110 % in his Trigonometry class. I mean how do you get a 110%?<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Nice for Nathan, but this is starting to be a competition or what?</span><br /><br />Mom 1: Really? Well I'm just so proud of my Jake. He just takes school so seriously. He knows and we know he is going to get an ivy league education. <br /><br />Mom 2: Oh yeah. I know exactly what you're saying. He's in tenth grade but we've already been on several college visits to Harvard, Yale and Princeton. I'm thinking Nathan should go to Oxford for graduate school. You know, so he can study abroad and get a real world experience.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><br />Gag</span><br /><br />Mom 1: Nothing is better then a real world experience. I think during the summer month between Jake's school, if he hasn't gotten an amazing internship at his Uncle's law firm then perhaps we'll send him back packing through Europe.<br /><br />Mom 2: Oh certainly if you want to go there. I just know Nathan is going to medical school. We as a family knew from a very young age he was going to medical school.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><br />Super puke</span><br /><br />I found it funny once Mom 1 left that Mom 2 rolled her eyes at Mom 1 behind her back. Why is there so much competition? I mean these two were obviously trying to one up each other the entire time. If they were men I would wonder if they were trying to prove who had the bigger johnson. I'm all for being proud of your kids. I would be immensely proud if I knew one of my friends or family's kid was doing great at school, thinking about college, etc., However, I don't imagine ever having a pissing contest about what my kid does over another kid like this. All of our kids have strengths, weaknesses, etc., I just don't get Mommy wars like this. Our kids achievements should be their own, not for personal gratification of one up'ing another child. <sigh> I doubt these parents will get over themselves.~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-89423043366548396292012-01-16T22:49:00.000-05:002012-01-16T22:50:15.089-05:00Love of DogsI never told this story before to anyone. When I was little and living down south it was common for dogs to be kept outside on leashes. Dogs lived outside. Hell, dogs in my neighborhood didn't had leashes on most of the time and would roam the streets making dog friends and visiting neighbors. It wasn't a problem or anything. Wasn't even weird. Just the way things were. I often felt bad for the dogs that were kept on leashes outside. I would wonder why they couldn't roam free like the other dogs so often I'd try to befriend these chained animals.<br /><br />I didn't have huge connections with all of them. One neighbor dog was very large and hyper. He often would jump on me so roughly when I approached him he would knock me over. Another dog....well he needed to be fixed because all he wanted to do was hump your leg if you got too close to him. It didn't matter when you saw him....morning, noon or night....he wanted to hump your leg. Then there was Rug rat. That was the dogs name. That was the dogs name. Not sure why but that's what it was.<br /><br />Now Rug rat used to be an inside dog. He got out shortly after the owners had a baby to the yard. He was a small dog, maybe 12lbs and I would sit with this dog as he was chained up next to his dog house and would pet him for the longest time. We were friends. He wagged his little tail every time I came over and would always love a scratch behind his ear. I loved him and he loved me.<br /><br />One day I was running around the neighborhood and this dog I never saw before started running after my friend and I. I never saw this dog before which was rare because I knew every dog in the neighborhood . This dog was mean and out to get us. His teeth were flaring and ready to bite. My friend and I ran as fast as we could. I knew we couldn't make it back to my house before this dog had us but thankfully in the distance we saw Rug Rats dog house and as always he was outside chained up. I yelled at my friend to follow me and we ran up and jumped on top of the dog house. The dog house wasn't very big. It would take nothing for this mean dog to get us. We were terrified. Rug Rat however knew what was happening and knew this mean dog was out to get us. He started barking and chasing this dog as best he could trying in vain to get him away. This dog was determined to get at my friend and I and kept circling Rug Rats dog house. I knew Rug Rat was little and no match for the mean dog. I didnt want him to get hurt so I started screaming. I saw my neighbors car pull up through the trees and started screaming for Neil. Neil came around the trees towards my frantic voice while my Mom who happen to hear us from inside my house also came through a line of trees to see what her daughter was screaming about. The two adults screamed at the dog and thankfully he ran away and was never seen again.<br /><br />The adults got the dog away but really it was Rug Rat who saved us doing his best to ward off this mean dog. He was helping a friend. From that day forward I made a point to visit Rug Rat as much as I could. He knew and I knew what he did. He had saved us. I'm not sure why I thought about him after all these years but I did. Even though his dog got betrayed by his owners being left outside like garbage, he still wanted to love and be loved. Thank you Rug Rat. I wish I could scratch behind your ears and sit with you for a while. Thanks for being a friend. ~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-73997307961872382502012-01-11T21:36:00.002-05:002012-01-11T22:10:14.840-05:00ReunionLast week my husband saw is Dad for the first time in twenty years. It was the first time my children and I ever met him. It was the first time my husband would ever met his wife of twenty years. There was a lot of firsts.<br /><br />We met him on New Years at the train station. How Russian is that? New Years for Russians is thought to be what ever you do that day is what you will do for your entire year. My husband was nervous. I was nervous. Our kids...oblivious to what was about to happen. He asked me if he thinks he will be able to recognize his Father. I assured him he would. A few moments later his Dad emerged from the gate and even if I never saw a photo of the man in my life, I would have known he was my husband's Dad. J and his Dad are spitting images of each other.<br /><br />The baffling and AMAZING thing that I witnessed on the first night was how alike J and his Dad are. I can first hand say a lot of who you are in mannerisms, etc., is just in your genes. J and his Dad did so many things alike; they drank the same way, ate food the same way, gestured the day way, their lips curled up slightly when they were amused the same way. It was bizarre! I kept watching them like a tennis match at dinner as they sat across from each other watching this phenomenon. Even their freaking ear lobes looked identical. EAR LOBES. I guess I had a first hand glimpse of what my husband will look twenty years from now. <br /><br />We did the usual touristy things while he was here. We took him to D.C. Took him to American stores. His Dad thought the Capital and the White House were the same building but wondered why it would sometimes have a dome. He also was baffled at self check out lines at the stores and wondered if people just steal items claiming they had bought it. He also wanted a true American meal, which we gave him. We also explained that America is a melting pot so you can have anything. We even took him to a Capitals game which was eye opening for him. Imagine how awesomely loud the Verizon Center is. Do you know Russians watch hockey like they are going to the theater? HA!<br /><br />My kids really started to like their Grandfather and Ira. The baby loves everyone she sees for the most part, which I think touched them that she was so sweet with them. Zaichik bonded with his Grandfather quickly by playing a chase game with him. Both Zaichik and his Grandfather were smiling ear to ear chasing each other around. Zaichik still ask about his Grandfather and while it warms my heart to hear he really did enjoy meeting and visiting with him, we also don't know when we will see him again.<br /><br />When they left after five short days, I teared up. I mourned for them in some ways because it was nice having them around. You can have family be so crappy to you but truly they were great. They loved us and we loved them. My kids got along well with them and you could see the love between them and their Grandfather and his wife. They were both gracious, patient and even though the language barrier was there with the four year old, they listened. They laughed when my little guy laughed. They hugged and kissed them hello and goodbye. They were present in my kids little worlds and having had Grandparents that really didn't do that, you can appreciate it. <br /><br />I'm not sure when we will see them again. I hope soon. Maybe a year or so from now. They suggested a warm location. I agree. Who doesn't want to get out of the cold winter days? I just am happy that I got to witness a beautiful reunion. As I told them before they left (of course translated) that I humbled and overjoyed that my husband got to see his Dad again and that my children got to know their Grandparents. I pray that we have many more visits and a lot more conversations.<br /><br />Its 10:03 pm here...so Good Morning or доброе утро Diada and Ira. We miss you and love you/Мы по тебе скучаю и люблю тебя.~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-16971283983232207942011-12-29T20:16:00.002-05:002011-12-29T20:39:09.169-05:00Missing ThemI don't know if its the holidays or seeing random things that remind me of them, but I miss my Nagypapa and Nagymama (Grandpa and Grandma in Hungarian). Since their death I of course would think about them from time to time and pray for them. It is just lately I have just had this overwhelming feel of loss for them and while I wish I had them around...I don't know why this sudden spring of emotion has started.<br /><br />I lost both my Grandparents years ago. One when I was about twelve and the other about six years ago. They really were fantastic grandparents. I felt love from them. They doted on my sister and I and we just felt like their home was another addition to our home. I loved walking through the doors of their home, smelling the faint smell of my Nagymama's cigarettes and getting squishy hugs from them. Its one of my fondest memories of them. It is something so simple as a hug, but having that love and knowing its real means the world to a child.<br /><br />My memories of them are so random lately. Yesterday I was watching a movie where people were celebrating the 4th of July and holding up sparklers to celebrate. I went back to a memory I haven't thought about in a long time where my cousins and I with my Nagypapa and Nagymama were in their back yard lighting sparklers and celebrating Independence Day. I was just a kid and I could feel that care free emotion a child has. I could hear my cousins laughing their silly giggles and see my Nagymama with one hand smoking and hollering at us to be careful. It is such a silly random memory but a memory nonetheless. <br /><br />I miss them. I just wish sometimes I could call them on the phone or had the ability to go up and visit them. I wish I could tell them I love them and how much they meant to me. I miss the fact they won't know my children and my kids won't know the love of their Great Grandparents. I miss that I can't hear their voices or hear them encourage me on whatever I'm doing in life. I just miss the fact that there will never be another chance to pull up in their gravel drive way, run up to the door and be greeted with squishy hugs and kisses.<br /><br />I love you Nagypapa and Nagymama. I'm praying for you and hope you're praying for us.~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-92067081712123062492011-12-15T21:49:00.003-05:002011-12-15T22:10:34.224-05:00MillionaireDuring one of my outings with my kids, another Mom (a stranger)made a comment I never heard before. She smiled at my little boy and baby girl and said, "you have a million dollar family." Um...excuse me? I inquired what she had meant because I was just stumped on what her meaning was. She told me that because I have both a boy and a girl, its called having a million dollar family. She went on to say how nice it is to have both and how lucky I am. While it was a nice compliment, I told her I was quite happy that God blessed me with two healthy children. I didn't continue with how I didn't care what the sex my children were. I wasn't going make an issue of it. I just never heard the term, "Million dollar family" EVER.<br /><br />I continued the day as normal with dinner, bath, and bed time stories. That night after the kids were in bed I did a simple google search to see if this lady made it up. She didn't. The definition clearly defines that having both a boy and a girl means you have the million dollar family. While I always dreamed of being a millionaire, I didn't quite dream of it in that way. I know I'm rich in the love and grace God blessed me with in having two beautiful kids. I just never had a preference. I just wanted children. Healthy children.<br /><br />I honestly don't get preferences in having either sex or one of each. While its nice to have both a boy and a girl, I don't feel like I would be unfulfilled if I had all boys or all girls. In fact I was a bit shocked when the ultrasound tech told me I was having a girl the second time I was pregnant. I almost expected to be having another boy. I just figured I'd have a slew of boys running around my house after my first was a boy. I was happy of course to find out I was having a little girl, but more so that my baby was healthy. Finding out her sex was just an easier way to prepare for her room, think of names, etc., <br /><br />I feel rich because I have a beautiful family and something money just can't buy. You can't buy children (legally). All the money in the world wouldn't make me feel as rich as I do now. I have these beautiful kids and I am so thankful for them. You can always have "stuff" but the excitement in a child's eyes and the love they give you is simply priceless. Having a boy and a girl doesn't define the richness that I feel when I look at my family. I just feel blessed that God gave the kids that I do have and pray that I have a few more. Does it matter what sex I have? Absolutely not.~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-85834182683511664412011-12-09T19:41:00.002-05:002011-12-09T19:51:33.413-05:00Why not?One of my favorite people posted a blog recently where she talked about how she used to love doing silly internet questionaires. While they aren't as popular as they once were, I decided why not copy her little post and post my own answers here. Thanks for the fun Friday night idea!<br /><br />1. Sleep style? I always fall asleep on my left side. Generally I have a pillow over my head. My husband tends to snore and I hate being woken up from it.<br /><br />2. Right or left side of bed? left side. Generally where ever we are my husband sleeps closest to the door. No real reason. Maybe subconscious thing to protect us if there was an intruder?<br /><br />3. Soft mattress or hard mattress? We have a hard mattress. Its okay. I'd much rather have a soft mattress. Thinking our next mattress will be a sleep number so we can both get what we want. <br /><br />4. Top sheet? I hate them. In fact we never make our bed with them because we both detest them. <br /><br />5. Make the bed in the morning? I'm usually the first one up and out the door but even if I wasn't...it wouldn't happen. There are a million household chores that are high priority. I do make my sons every so often though.<br /><br />6. Floss everyday? Nope. I got those cool floss sticks and everything. I still can't remember.<br /><br />7. Floss top or bottom first? If I do....bottom.<br /><br />8. Brush back and forth, up and down, or circular? All of the above?<br /><br />9. Brush top or bottom first? Right or left? bottom right.<br /><br />10. Pop zits? When I have them.<br /><br />11. Tweeze? Yes but I hate doing it.<br /><br />12. TP over or under? over<br /><br />13. Crinkle or fold? Crinkle.<br /><br />14. Shower AM or PM? Depends on the day and depends how cold it is outside. Sometimes I shower at night so I don't have wet hair when I go to work and its bitter cold outside. <br /><br />15. Start the shower before you get in? who doesn't? I won't step into cold water!<br /><br />16. Get in the shower on the side under the flow, or away from it? Away from it<br /><br />17. Ever sit down in the shower? Often either to shave or just zone out for a moment until I'm interrupted by somebody. grrrrr<br /><br />18. Face the water to wash hair, or face away? Face away.<br /><br />19. Soap up everything then rinse, or soap and rinse at the same time? Same time.<br /><br />20. Soap, or body wash? Both. For the face and more sweaty areas I use soap because it drys up my skin. I also use body wash<br /><br />21. Conditioner? I have to. Hair is too long. I prefer Herbel Essence b/c it smells so damn good and I love the two in one.<br /><br />22. Dry off in standing in the tub or out? I dry off in the tub but walk out when I'm half way dry.<br /><br />Yay for a Friday night survey! What a bunch of weird questions I'd never thought about until it was asked : )~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-34012454194103402552011-11-29T21:46:00.000-05:002011-11-29T21:47:04.874-05:00Um...what?As usual during the work week I picked my son up from his Pre-K class as soon as I got off work. He as usual was delighted to see me and ran up to give me a big hug. He and his friends were just finishing their snacks. My son with a smiley face took me to one of the three tables the kids were sitting at and showed me what they had for snack that day. I smiled knowing how pleased he was to get oranges and wafer cookies. It is a favorite snack of his. I started having a casual conversation with one of his teachers about his day and joking about a silly conversations I was trying NOT to have with a bunch of four year olds a moment earlier when a certain little boy in Zaichik's class commented about butts and how his Dad had boobies. I wasn't about to go there. I have no idea why it was brought up but four year olds will talk about whatever is on there mind...maybe too much....<br /><br />During our conversation, the teacher and I looked over to see the other teacher with a surprised look on her face. We summoned her over and I said, "If its about butts, I have no idea where that came from." She chuckled a little at that because butts, poop, farts and all those types of things are hilarious to four year olds. She's heard that conversation maybe a thousand times. She surprisingly said, "No, I'm trying to listen to a conversation." We of course inquire what it was about. She replied with, "One of the kids was telling the other kids at the table how he is sitting at a table with no colored people." Our mouths dropped. Um...what?????????????<br /><br />I was stunned. I'm still stunned. Its 2011. We live in the North where racism isn't as prevalent. Seriously? I don't ever recall hearing those conversations as a young child and we had KKK marches through our city streets and I was a kid. I couldn't believe it. I told the teacher that I don't think he knows what he is saying. Hopefully he wasn't hearing that at home. I mean at this age four years olds don't care what color you are, how you look or anything like that. The biggest thing may be girls vs. boys but that is it. I remember as a child being four and one of my classmates had one eye. His other eye had a plastic piece and it would constantly fall out on the playground. We were always having to look for Lolo's eyeball on the playground. We weren't grossed out. It was just part of Lolo and he was still our friend. We were color blind, disability blind...everything blind just as long as we could play together then it was all about fun.<br /><br />I'm not sure how the teachers handled that. I left it to them but left them with instructions that if Zaichik ever says anything remotely like that I want to know and that kind of talk is not at all allowed in our home. We respect all of God's children. Thankfully the kid that I think said this is not a favorite of Zaichik's. In fact Zaichik often tells me that this kid isn't his friend. I'm not sure why but perhaps Zaichik just doesn't like this kids attitude. I just hope he isn't being taught this at home. I pray that if the parents hear about this then they correct their child. I just can't imagine teaching a child about "colored" people. Seriously?<br /><br />I'll be praying for them.~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-15410807864991942412011-11-19T21:22:00.002-05:002011-11-19T22:00:35.977-05:00Extended FamilyI hate that people are greedy. I hate that people are torn apart for the damnest of reasons and while we can forgive in our hearts, we protect ourselves when people don't every try to apologize for the things they have done. The blog may be a bit cryptic to some but I am sure every family has a story where in one reason or another they are ripped apart. During this time of the year I think about a certain side of my family and can't help but miss them.<br /><br />In the past, Thanksgiving was the time of the year we would visit my Grandparents in Cleveland. I had a great set of Grandparents that I knew loved me. I felt it, I heard them tell me that they did and I just felt a depth of love every time I came over to their house. I was always greeted by squishy kisses, hugs and they would listen to whatever little worry or story I had for them. I know a lot of people have or had great grandparents that hugged and kissed them, BUT when you only have 75% of your Grandparents treat you with love, you learn to appreciate it a little more. On my visits I also had an Aunt, Uncle and cousins that I loved to see and play with. I felt love from them too. I knew they genuinely were happy to see me and I cherished those play dates where my cousins and I would drive the adults a bit crazy.<br /><br />After my Grandmother was dead for short period of time, one of my cousins moved in with my Grandfather. While it was thoughtful in the beginning for her to do that, she was also told that she too needed to have her own life and to not put it on hold. She should find a husband and have her own family. I believe it was one of her wishes. Years went by and we would still visit every Thanksgiving. Everything was still at it was minus one Grandparent. As my Grandfather aged he started getting alzheimer and dementia. During one point my cousin who still lived at the house told us we were no longer to stay in the house when we visited. There was no reason why. She just decided she didn't like it. My Grandfather would never want that. We were always welcomed no matter what. Other extremely hurtful incidents also occurred that I don't want to get into.. Things looked fishy. We did an internet search. We found out my cousin got power of attorney over my Grandfather and then got the deed to my Grandfathers house. We had no idea. Our family was shocked.<br /><br />My Grandfather died Thanksgiving day a few years later. We believe he wanted us to come "home" one more time. We did. It was one of the hardest few days I ever had. It wasn't the loss of my Grandfather even though that was hard, but the insane treatment we received by the other side. There were a lot of incidents but a few come to memory is a cousins daughter kicked my mother during the wake, our belongings were thrown from one pew to another in church during the funeral and we were treated so badly that I believe I had my first panic attack in the restaurant of an Apple Bee's because I couldn't handle the grief of losing my Grandfather and the immense shock of how badly my family was treated. My family had no inheritance because the money that was there was taken. I can get over the money issue. However, I had to beg to get family photos of my family when we were young or even my Mother's wedding photos. I even begged for the pictures my sister and I colored with markers that my grandparents taped to their bedroom wall. We were given a few of them along with a few other items eventually. They were just tokens that meant all the sentiments in the world to us and nothing to them. To this day those memories that rush back are still extremely hurtful. I forgave a bit in my heart but they never thought for a moment they did anything wrong. I just couldn't believe that such a group of loving individuals could turn with such hatred and disgust.<br /><br />Given all that, I think about them a lot during this time of the year. I swear I smelled my Grandfather for a moment when I was kissing my son the other night as a almost, "hey its just about Thanksgiving" message. I looked up and the smell was gone. I think about my Grandparents and how I miss getting those kisses and squishy hugs. I miss my Aunt talking about her dreams, my Uncle tickling us until we cried and the cousins that would giggle away and just be silly with us. I mourn for what was. I question a lot on why they would ever do this to us. I miss them. I miss my family and I'll probably never have them back. Its sad. The money isn't the issue. There was very little of it as my Grandfather never made more then 10K a year. Its the hurt behind it and the betrayal of what was done.<br /><br />I'll pray for them. What else can I do? I just wonder if they ever think about us. Do they ever want to reach out and say, "we're sorry"? Maybe it will happen someday. Maybe it won't. I just wish people, especially families would think before acting harshly towards each other.~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-58409082498282358222011-11-16T21:12:00.004-05:002011-11-18T23:21:08.083-05:00The Waiting GameMy daughter since birth has not passed her right ear hearing test. It was a shock to me as they took my two day old infant, put the little tube in her ear and with a heavy sigh said, "she isn't passing". I got a somewhat reassured smile from the friendly hospital hearing specialist telling me everything is okay and perhaps there is fluid still in her ear from birth. I decided for now that was what it was as I didn't want to stress too hard about it as I was still in the ICU from severe high blood pressure. The less stress on me the better as any stress increased my blood pressure ten fold. I came back to the hospital two weeks later to repeat the test. I had prayed beforehand and assumed everything would be fine. She failed. I cried. The waiting game began.<br /><br />We were referred to an audiologist for a more thorough hearing test. When we arrived when my sweet pea was a month old, the audiologist told me the test would take quite a while for all the measurements. As in, I would hold her to keep her still and we would sit there for at least over an hour. I was terrified. I held my sweet little girl and prayed to God and pleaded with him to take my hearing if needed so she could hear with both of her little ears. The audiologist told us to keep her still and fearful that any movement would skew the test, I sat there praying, holding back tears and I didn't move a muscle. If I could of held my breath the entire time, I would of done that as well. When the test was all over and done with the entire right side of my body was numb and completely asleep. Thankfully, the ABR bone test showed that she wasn't deaf. Praise God! It was concluded at the end of the visit that she wasn't getting sound through her ear canal and they weren't sure if it was fluid or something else. The next step was to continue getting measurements for the next three months to conclude she still has a problem as they said perhaps the problem would resolve itself. Again, the waiting game. I had no idea if the bones in her fragile little ear were set right or if she had fluid or something else was wrong. It was the unknown that was terrifying. I couldn't help but worry and I retreated back into my little place of worry and told practically no one.<br /><br />Three more tests over four and a half months concluded the same thing, she had some sort of hearing deficiency. We were then referred to an ENT to put tubes in her ears. We did. I sat there as my little six month old got carried away by some wonderful nurses and once again held my breath. She was so little, so sweet and so smiley. I hated knowing that she trusted me and they would put her under anesthesia. I also knew it was the best thing I could do for her. I feared so much during those ten minutes I was away from her. What if this didn't fix it? What if she has a delay like her brother because of hearing? The unknowns can make any parent go crazy.<br /><br />Today we went in for her post tube audiology appointment. I waited again, holding my breath, praying so hard for this little, beautiful angel that was smiling back at me during her exam. The audiologist saw my worry and reassured me the Princess has one good ear. I am thankful for that but of course I want two good ears. After what seemingly felt like forever, she passed. My baby finally passed after eight months of waiting. I held back tears, kissing my little girl. She had no idea the worry her parents had. She had no idea the countless prayers, tears, conversations with God (more like pleading) and reassured hugs I needed from my husband.<br /><br />I am so thankful that my princess can hear and hopefully this is the end of her ear troubles. Unless something else comes up with infections, language issues, etc., I won't have to see the audiologist again. I feel for any parent waiting on anything that gives them worry over their child. Its the unknown that just sucks. My prayers are with those parents who are waiting on answers. God bless you.~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-42043089781923487462011-11-14T21:36:00.003-05:002011-11-14T22:24:30.599-05:00Kindergarten<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHxr4-nLm32Wo5nZdr1jTT8a9Mmj6HPGDjunshToFLd3k82eDXh7si4qrhbVhGcI-_HcN8QLGCxQVy6FaxHCEp5yliyaiSmxzM7JBT3y2dlITfMoiKDfvfyfGy0IaRPGOpJQeH5Dbf-BHr/s1600/087.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHxr4-nLm32Wo5nZdr1jTT8a9Mmj6HPGDjunshToFLd3k82eDXh7si4qrhbVhGcI-_HcN8QLGCxQVy6FaxHCEp5yliyaiSmxzM7JBT3y2dlITfMoiKDfvfyfGy0IaRPGOpJQeH5Dbf-BHr/s400/087.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5675058248073723266" border="0" /></a><br />I'm going to be a mess on Pre-K graduation day and the first day my son goes to Kindergarten. Why? My son isn't attending Kindergarten for another ten months and yet at one of my parents meetings that I attended today for rising Kindergarteners, I started tearing up like crazy. I had to stop the ugly cry with ever fiber I had. I had to think of spiderman, yucky boogers and coming up with formulas for excel spreadsheets. It was about to get ugly and I wasn't about to let a bunch of school psychologists, PAC teachers, counselors, etc., have some of their first impressions of me as a emotional mother. I just can't believe how fast time has flown and how in a few short months, my little guy will be going to big kid school and what a journey it has been to get to this point.<br /><br />I'm proud of my boy. He's loving, outgoing, sweet, compassionate and so energetic . My son has also achieved great lengths as he has a bit of a development delay. His speech impaired a lot of things and we've struggled through parts of it. We've had the downs with lack of compassion from people that dislike us because of it (I still don't understand that), had to put off teaching Russian to him and every new lesson tends to be a bit harder to teach him because of communication. However, our struggles have had their positives in that we got services to help him, bonded together as a family and learned more from this experience in appreciating the small things much more then we would have had it been smooth the entire way through. He has come so far in learning how to talk and will be shortly coming to a new cross roads where he'll be entering a new arena in life. I worry for him. Not only because of the huge change going from a preschool setting to elementary setting, but also because of his communication delay.<br /><br />I have done everything I could think of to help give him the tools to succeed in preschool. I think of all sorts of games to help him learn the lessons he needs to know such as numbers, the alphabet, writing, etc., His preschool teacher and his developmental teacher praise me quite often for the creative ways I teach my son the things he needs to learn for school and how often I ask questions and communicate with them on a regular basis. I make a point to talk to both the teachers in his class each day to see how he is doing, where I can help him on and what his accomplishments are. I obviously want to work on the things he is struggling with but also congratulate him on the things he has done well. Nothing pleases my little Zaichik more than to hear his Mom tell him, "good job buddy". <br /><br />I also pray. I know you must use the tools in life that God provides you, but I have a lot of conversations with God. I have conversations where I thank him for giving me such a healthy, beautiful boy and thankful for the fact he's learned how to sound out a new syllable to the alphabet or finally achieved writing a legible "N". I also pray for guidance and for my son to achieve his set goals before he enters the doors of Kindergarten next Fall. Being a Mom and being how I am, I worry constantly. I want so much for him.<br /><br />This blog has been a bit all over the place, but in true form as my emotions with my son are high. He and his sister are my world. Everything I do (minus pooing), I do for my family. I want so much for all of them. I want them to achieve their goals, be happy, love and be well rounded. I also want time to slow down a bit because this little person has grown from an infant, to a toddler and now kid all too quickly. I'll miss scooping him up early on the days I can get out of work because it just won't be as easy to swing by and get him. I know I'll cry when my son goes to school. I know he'll do great. I have faith in him, his school and God's guidance. I'll just need to remember to hold of mascara that day.~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-59253875536114830182011-11-13T22:00:00.002-05:002011-11-13T22:18:08.045-05:00Home ProjectsWhen it comes to house projects I've been in the "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">meh</span>" phase for years. I don't know why. I guess I got burned out doing interior design projects while I was in school. I loved the creative aspect to design, but between the bitches and la-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">de</span>-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">da</span> of it all I was over it. I flat out didn't care. As long as it wasn't sequenced or neon colors, I didn't care what went on with my home for the most part. Thankfully my husband has good taste and I had glimmers of design wants here and there. I just finally had an awakening to what I want to do with my home. It has been seven years...<br /><br />This weekend my husband and I picked out paint colors for the main floor of our house. Granted we...I mean he has painted various bathrooms and kid rooms in our house but our main floor has never been painted. We have been living in this house for four years and have been staring at white walls this entire time. It looked like hell. We both finally caved and decided to go for it. <br /><br />I have about zero painting experience. I started off by myself by painting around all the framing and molding around my baseboard/ceiling. I loved it. Not only was my house starting to look better with each little paint stroke, but in some way it was also therapeutic. Don't get me wrong. I'm not about to attend painting parties any time soon, but just doing my thing, in my bra and sweat pants was relaxing. Seeing the end result of my hallway, now a glimmering shade of green has increased my motivation to a new high. I have thoughts, outlines in my head. I have a flow of how I want things to go. I want to get organized. Not on a nesting level of cleanliness or organization, but more so for design.<br /><br />I'm excited for more projects. I want to get through painting the rest of my main floor, but I can't wait to change things up a little. I need money...don't we all, but I have tremendous plans now. Time to start flipping through magazines and starting some boards on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">pintrest</span>!~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-41042861310557918162011-11-08T20:39:00.004-05:002011-11-08T21:05:18.592-05:00Old and New<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHX1Kdq28aGw-B4MtzsAQlOMRhWzltSUluKFX9ZHbFsD4U5yrL-Up2xD-13dSSDGDG8962EwT5vDJxllhDBpa_oVO_XphnWkJD2QGhgBXyQIdZwwtqtPRUFWtG3u7zfEoC0bdfETOdWvr3/s1600/P24_1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 274px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHX1Kdq28aGw-B4MtzsAQlOMRhWzltSUluKFX9ZHbFsD4U5yrL-Up2xD-13dSSDGDG8962EwT5vDJxllhDBpa_oVO_XphnWkJD2QGhgBXyQIdZwwtqtPRUFWtG3u7zfEoC0bdfETOdWvr3/s400/P24_1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5672810391786106274" border="0" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Not our actual church. Visual representation<br />of a Byzantine Wooden church in Eastern Europe</span><br /></div><br />This weekend will be the last weekend the usual Sunday liturgy will be said in our church. We have a new church that is almost completely built, which is a fantastic achievement especially with a rite so small as ours.. However watching this take place is somewhat bitter sweet.<br /><br />The old church will remain for daily liturgies or for other liturgies as seen fit by our Pastor. Nothing will happen to it. The structure will stay there. Things will just change. Its strange really that I don't know when I'll be in this small church again. Its my church. The church where I spent many Sundays being dragged to it as a child and actually found my spirituality in as an adult. The church where I said my vows to my husband and where our two babies were baptized, confirmed and given first holy communion to. It almost seems like one door is closing, but really we're blessed. I just feel a tad conflicted. Is that silly of me?<br /><br />I love the new church in what it means. It means our church is thriving. How many of you in your life time have seen your church (your existing church) being built? The new church is so beautifully decorated like many of the old Byzantine churches in Eastern Europe. The three domes (representing the Trinity) is a truly powerful representation for any church goers or people passing by. I can easily say, I haven't seen a Byzantine church like it. Its build from tradition separating itself from what was once imposed on Byzantines by the Romans. What I also love most about it, our Pastor is letting no one in until the Bishop opens the door for the first liturgy. How beautifully remarkable is that? Can I say I'm kind of glad that no church busy body thinks they have a right to see it before the other faithful? Just <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">sayin</span>.<br /><br />I know I'll love this new church and make memories there. Its where I'll pray for my babies and have conversations with God. I just think it has to grow on me a little. I'm used to the old ways. I am grateful that our old church is remaining. I never thought I would think this 15 years ago, but my heart would break seeing anything happen to our little, humble church. I just can not wait until I see the inside of the new one. I can only imagine how beautiful it will be. I am looking forward to seeing Icon Screen and the Deacon door, a item my Family bought in order to honor my Dad. I'm ancy, but ready or not I'll be seeing it in less than two weeks!~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-78753667331727961112011-10-23T21:19:00.002-04:002011-10-23T21:40:49.147-04:00TimeLately time seems to be at high speed. There is never enough time for this or that and it seems like since the birth of my daughter that we've been on this fast forward motion for months. Not sure if its because there is an activity just about every weekend or just the juggle of two kids, work, home and couple life or what. It has been insane! <br /><br />I love being a Mom of two kids. I can handle the work load fine enough. My house is never spotless, but thats how the world is with small kids. I'd rather spend the time with them then sweeping up every little crumb. I've made a lot of time with both of them and found that its important to take time with each of them separately. My son really transitioned well into having another person take over part of his parents attention. Knock on wood, but I haven't seen any jealousy from him since his sister has entered our world. We also make a point on taking him out with us and making little dates rather it be something small like going to a grocery store or hitting up a theme park or visiting a farm with just him. My daughter is young but we do things just with her as well, especially if the other parent has the other kid. We may also go to the store or just hang out one on one on the floor playing with her. I think this is important to do with the kids. It gives them that family time but also build relationships individually without the entire family around. These trips are great and I love them, but they go so fast!<br /><br />I also have put a lot more emphasis on my marriage. I love my husband. He means the world to me and I don't know any man that does the things he does in terms of housing projects, cleaning, cooking, kid stuff, etc., He just is amazing. I had to learn to be okay with leaving my baby other than just going to work though. It was tough, but I did it. I did tear up and call a million times to her Grandparents, but I survived. I find the importance of having alone time even with the Mom guilt is well worth it. I know one of these days my kids will grow up and move on to their own thing and I want to still know and have a great relationship with my husband as a couple. I don't want to know him just as my team mate in concurring day to day parent activities. We're both more than that even if its the most important job we will both ever have.<br /><br />Work is work. The job I have now is actually one of the best jobs I have ever had. I work a lot though. Yes I may be late...a lot, but it doesn't stop me from working evenings and even weekends on different tasks or catching up on email. I need to stop being a bit late and stop working after my kids are in bed. I should have my own "me time". I recently read an article saying that working Mothers will have less Mom guilt and have more appreciation of down time if they put the damn blackberry away. I don't have the blackberry but I completely understand what they're saying. I like my job a lot. I just don't live to work. I work in order to live.<br /><br />Time is just speeding so quickly with all of the activities we're into. I just wish it would slow down. I just wish there was a way to speed up the work days and slow down the family/kid/couple time. I am so thankful and so blessed to have my family. I want to soak up all the time that I have with them. Love you G family!~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-40799578471797895782011-07-21T14:08:00.002-04:002011-07-21T14:41:35.462-04:00Romance Changes...or has it?<iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/7CYI5bKZMes" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="349" width="425"></iframe><br /><br />The other day I ran across a hand written note in my wallet that my husband gave me in 2005. Yes, I have had my wallet that long. It was written a year before we got married, while we were still dating. It was a beautifully written note with an outpouring of love and adoration my husband (then boyfriend) felt about me. Reading the letter made my heart smile. I remember those days. The days of chasing, sneaking phone calls, long hand written notes, lots of dates and fawning over each other. I thought about it for a moment how I wouldn't mind going back to those days for just a little while to appreciate our lone dates and our lack of responsibilities. I wondered if our romance has died a bit as well. Then I thought about it some more and although it has curtailed a bit, its still quite alive.<br /><br />I remember my husband, my stone faced Russian man singing The Wedding Singer song that I embedded above when we were dating and how I wished all of that to be true someday. It did ring true. He has done that and more for me. I can't tell you how many times he's done the silliest of things to make me smile and how quiet he is on a lot of things but is absolutely hilarious. He has taken care of me on my sickest of days by protecting me from stress and going out during any hour of the day to get medicine for me. The man has fixed our A/C countless of times and made fires in the fireplace whenever I asked just because I was cold. He has given up his coat, socks, and even the shirt off his back when I've needed it and despite my girly request for television that he dubbed boring, he'll sit there and watch it with me. He's no stranger to the kitchen either by cooking lots of yummy meals and doing the dishes without me nagging. I'm no drinker but the times I've had a little more then one drink (which is all it takes to get me drunk) he's taken care of me.<br /><br />In his letter he wrote in 2005, he promised me a life of love and family which he has given me. I don't care about being rich or having material things. It never mattered to me. I wanted a life where I was in a comfy home, had children surrounding me and a husband that truly loved me. I have it. He's given to me what he promised. We're still romantic in the teenage sense. We don't chase each other since thats a bit hard to do while we're living in the same house, but he does make sure I'm okay where ever I am. We do still sneak phone calls during the day while we're at work. We write multiple emails a day to each other about random things going on in our lives, at work and sometimes to say sorry for being grumpy that morning. We aren't all over each other 24/7 but we still take time for us. We still have awesome make out sessions like teenagers. I still smack his butt while he's walking by from time to time. I still love gazing at him until he asks ,"WHAT???". I love his smell, the way he holds my hand and the way he looks at me with those beautiful green eyes.<br /><br />Romances changes a bit when you get older, have kids, and responsibilities. It doesn't mean that it dies , at least not if you let it. You have to see it differently I think. Sometimes the random installation of a light or helping you out with a project is just away of him telling you he loves you. It doesn't have to be hand written cards, jewelry and flowers. Love, mature love is more then that. Its figuring out how each others ticks and what we need in life and helping each other with that. It isn't about trying to be something we aren't or trying to fit in with hallmark definition of love. Love is just being there for one another and knowing that in life its you and him against the world.~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-18686179127354806772011-07-01T22:18:00.004-04:002011-07-01T22:51:42.169-04:00A Mom IsA Mom Is:<br /><br /><ul><li>Living for the first months of your child's life never having a clean shirt on.</li><li>After meticulously cleaning everything, you look behind you and everything just about has been undone.</li><li>Rushing out after a hard day of work just to start an even harder job so you can see smiling faces.</li><li>Having a stash of secret sweets just for you</li><li>Knowing what love at first sight really means.</li><li>Coming to grips that the body you used to complain about before birth actually was quite nice and that you probably won't ever get that body back. Furthermore, you don't care as much because having a perfect body just isn't as important anymore.</li><li>Your money becomes the kids money and in most cases you enjoy spending that money on them more then you would ever enjoy spending it on yourself.</li><li>Knowing what true sacrifice is<br /></li><li>You slap yourself upside the head when you think back about how you "knew everything" about parenting before you had kids.</li><li>You appreciate your parents more.</li><li>You learn how something in your life to do's has to give and usually its your house.</li><li>Sleeping late is 8am.</li><li>Eating out at restaurants gives a whole new meaning to being a talented multi tasker; eating, while feeding a baby, wrangling a child from running away and holding a conversation with your husband all at once.</li><li>Appreciating conversation and a quiet meal.</li><li>Loving something more then you love yourself</li><li>Answering a million "why" questions a day.</li><li>Boogers, poop, pee and vomit are not as gross. It is still disturbing but not as grossly surprising as it once was.</li><li>Getting up half a dozen times from the dinner table before you actually put the first bite of food in your mouth</li><li>You no longer have a first name. You are now so and so's Mom.</li><li>Once you think you've hit your most embarrassing moment, your kid will top it ten fold.</li><li>You appreciate the imagination and innocence of a child's mind first hand.</li><li>You learn the power of what a mad Mama bear possesses.</li><li>Reliving part of your childhood by getting out old favorite toys, watching old favorite kid shows and getting toys for your kids that you wish you had when you were young.<br /></li><li>Having zero time for idiotic people that don't forgive or hold grudges. Really? Yeah, I don't care.<br /></li><li>Catching yourself Mommying others...even adults.</li><li>Quickly learning bathroom activities are no longer private.</li><li>Staying out late is 11pm.</li><li>Learning who your true friends are.</li><li>Discovering there is a whole new level of tired.</li><li>Finding an excuse to color again and realize how therapeutic it is.</li><li>Knowing that running errands takes twice as long.</li><li>Seeing all babies are miracles</li><li>Finding your voice if you didn't have one before you had kids.<br /></li><li>Having deeper empathy and greater understanding of the kind of pain parents go through that have lost their children</li><li>Being able to recite several of your child's favorite shows by heart.</li><li>Catching yourself singing or humming theme songs to various shows like Elmos World, Little Einstein, Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Imagination Movers.</li><li>Realizing your child is the most hilarious comedian you know.</li><li>Discovering a child become mobile way too fast.</li><li>Realizing God has one heck of a sense of humor.</li></ul>~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6658762535962172504.post-31432687250983355792011-07-01T22:07:00.003-04:002011-07-01T22:17:33.826-04:00Where I should be<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmLb0BGQ7a-c-CmMT1pQGXd19rjhW-ILUI46nXvBmd-66xUX3AnYQ2MqUpIPmiDBhRx5KoKEe9MuDp5ZY6wrCb6p_6oCdyXiIRcBVVmaqbD8ZjCCQ5bIlt6jwexuL0NMUCFfumY2ai3KpR/s1600/blonde+looking+out+car+window.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 268px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmLb0BGQ7a-c-CmMT1pQGXd19rjhW-ILUI46nXvBmd-66xUX3AnYQ2MqUpIPmiDBhRx5KoKEe9MuDp5ZY6wrCb6p_6oCdyXiIRcBVVmaqbD8ZjCCQ5bIlt6jwexuL0NMUCFfumY2ai3KpR/s400/blonde+looking+out+car+window.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5624572737170156706" border="0" /></a><br />Today, just as I started to feel better about my contributions to working and all that jazz, I had another moment of clarity. Another moment where I feel like I am not where I should be.<br /><br />I was on my way to my free lunch with my co-workers. We were having an adult conversation, going to eat an adult lunch and actually have silence in between conversation. I usually welcome that. Hell, that kind of lunch is a treat for me...or at least I thought it was. The saying goes, there is never a thing such as a free lunch.<br /><br />It wasn't until we passed a day care with children playing outside that I wished I was on my way to get my son so we could play at the various playgrounds we go to. I saw a Mom nearby pushing her two children in a stroller and wish, just WISH I could be doing the same thing. I no longer wanted my quiet, peaceful adult lunch. It was costing me time and energy away from those I love more then life itself.<br /><br />It is simple really. Not simple minded as some who are pretty simple minded themselves would think. I don't belong where I am at. I'm intelligent enough to train myself, do my best with tech talk and have my boss praise my accomplishments and dedication. I just feel lost. I don't feel genuine. I feel like I am lying to myself every day pretending that doing what I am doing is okay and its not okay.<br /><br />I know parents who need to go to work and who love to work. Its just who they are and I don't think anything bad about it. Its what works in their family. However I'm the opposite. I'd rather work the harder job being home with the kids. Not missing the bit of pieces they experience throughout the day. I just painfully miss my children. every.single.day.<br /><br />I'll continue to work hard at what I do. Thats a given. My job right now is to go outside the home. I know its something I must do and I work hard at being an awesome employee. I just wish I wasn't kicking and screaming inside while doing it.~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15135219844437531363noreply@blogger.com0