Surgery...now I'm nervous

Earlier I wrote about how my son will be getting surgery this month to get his tubes and possible adenoids removed. After talking with several parents that have been there and done that...I am getting more and more nervous about the whole ordeal.

I know that getting tubes put in is almost one of the easiest surgeries that you can have...it takes ten minutes tops. Getting adenoids (per internet research) is a bit more invasive and I should expect my son to have a little discomfort, but nothing like getting your tonsils taken out. I logically also know its the best thing for him because he will be able to hear correctly which will in turn dramatically help his speech. I know all this, but my heart aches for him. I want to protect him, to shield him from all this...and I can't.

I've been told that one of the hardest things is putting on scrubs and carry your baby back to the operating room. While the doctors and nurses are professionals and have done these surgeries hundreds if not thousands of times, you feel helpless handing your child to strangers and trusting them with your child's life. Sounds a bit dramatic, but its my baby and he's going under anesthesia. I was also given a friendly forewarning that some children can react a bit to the anesthesia by convulsing a bit. I don't know if I am ready for that....to see your baby go through that. I'm in tears just thinking about it.

While logic explains everything so easily and so simply...my heart just aches for my son. I want him to be healthy obviously and will do anything for him...no one ever said being a parent is easy. Honestly its the hardest thing I have ever done (I'd even take back labor pains any day over this) and still feel privileged that I get to experience it. I guess all I can do is pray from now until Tuesday morning.

A Letter To My Son

To My Darling Boy,

You were something I dreamed of and wished for all my life. I knew before any pictures, any confirmation when you were born that you would be a little boy and you would be special. I remember the expression your Dad had when he first heard your heart beat, saw your first sonogram and when we got that 20 week confirmation that we would have a son. It was a look of pure joy, excitement and no expression of his has compared since. I felt lucky when I was pregnant with you (despite the swollen ankles and lovely stretch marks)as I could feel your kicks and the constant hick ups you would have while I was in meetings. It was a special bonding experience of closeness and the one time I could truly protect you from everything.

When you were born your Dad and I marveled at the beautiful gift God gave us. You entered this world feisty (peeing on the nurse three times) and certainly made your presence known. You are still that little guy that with one look from those beautiful, spirited green eyes can melt your Mother's heart. I love that you have already grown into a pretty awesome kid who is confident, loving, and full of energy. You remind me of your Dad and you remind me of how I was like as a child...a true firecracker.

My dear son I have such plans for you, but what is most important above all else is that you are happy, know you are loved and ALWAYS have your parents support. I hope for you to reach for the stars in living out your dreams. I wish for you to find your soul mate and love deeply and compassionately. I dream of the day when you discover how hard it is being a parent but find nothing can be more rewarding.

My advice to you dear son is to remember to say sorry when you have done something wrong, forgive when someone apologies, that family above anything is the most important thing you will ever have, always always always communicate (its key in any relationship) and as your Dad will always say...try never to pay full price.

You are such a beautiful, unique and wonderful little guy that will someday grow too quickly to be a man. Remember to think of your Mom and Dad from time to time even when life gets hectic and friends or other life plans comes up. We will always look forward to seeing you and hearing about your day. I will always be your Mom, but I hope we will also have open communication and a friendship.

I love you!

Love,

Mom

2010 Before They Grow Up List

As it is 2010 and this is not part of the wish list...I wanted to update my "Before The Kids Grow Up List". As stated in the last blog entry...there are lots of things that I will repeat on this list of things I'll do with my kid(s) and obviously some I hope to some day do as some are still a bit too mature for a toddler right now.

Disney World - Have timeshare planned for 2010
Capitals Game
Redskins Game (Dad can take him to this)
Cox's Farm Fall Festival
Polar Express Train Experience
Pick Halloween Pumpkin from a Pumpkin Patch
Thomas Train Experience
Baltimore Aquarium
Zoo
Crayola Factory
Circus
Ice Show
Baseball game
Brighton Beach
Miami
A Beach
Visit the town I grew up
Boyd's Bear Store (Pennsylvania)
Swim in the Pacific Ocean
Camping
Pick some sort of fruit (apples, strawberries, etc.,)
Make some fantastic mud pies (I mean the real mud...not a real dessert)
Bore my children with trips down memory lane (maybe some of it will interest them)
Eat dessert for dinner
Have a tremendous war with water guns
Meet professional athletes
Deep Sea Fishing
See a sleeping Volcano (Mommy is too afraid of live ones)
Walk on the Great Wall of China
Lion Country Safari
Luray Caverns
Botanical Gardens
Central Park
A Broadway Play
Air and Space Museum and Udvar-Hazy Center
Capitol
White House
Sea World/Miami Aquarium
Colonial Williamsburg
Hershey Park
Skiing (Dad can do this)
Eat in the Disney castle
Munich Germany to see the Clock
The Tower of London
Make forts with furniture and blankets
A Castle
Scuba Diving (Dad's thing)
Archery Range
A Cruise
Treesort in Takilma, Oregon
Opryland
Yellowstone National Park
The Grand Canyon
Tweetsie Railroad
Gem Mine
A Civil War Battlefield
Niagara Falls
Statue of Liberty
Times Square
Visit Philly just to eat cheese steaks
White Water Rafting
See National Christmas Tree
Sesame Place


*Visit at least one if not more of the following countries: Austria, China, England, Germany, Hungary, Italy, Russia

New Additions for this list:

Play broom ball
Monkey Jungle
Rent out a suite for a Capitals game
Implement a family fun night (once a month) with a theme like Camp Out
Scavenger Hunt (we may need to recruit my nephew to help)
Host a family/friend kickball game
Family karaoke night?...that would be amusing.
Dance in the rain
Build something (maybe a bird house or bird feeder)
Dude Ranch

Do any of you have great ideas to perhaps add to the list?

My Creative Drought

Over the weekend my husband did a fantastic thing while I was out with my son on a play date...he reorganized our entire living room and basement. I came home (after some scrutiny about the design my husband talked about) to a messy but more efficient living space. I was relieved, happy and felt like I dropped the ball in some ways.

See I finished my B.A in Interior Design a few years ago. After dealing with horrible women, discovering crappy hours/pay I decided to drop the design route and continue on with something more 9-5 in working in the world of IT. Its okay...but not very creative. When I got married I purchased (after looking at furniture specs) great furniture that would last. If you don't like leather...microfiber is the way to go as its the most durable fabric aside from leather. We moved into a tiny but cute apartment and since we decided to stay there only for a year and were leasing we didn't paint or upgrade anything. Fast forward to when I was six months pregnant...we moved into a foreclosure that my husband and I proudly purchased (how I wish now we would of waited to buy). I handled a lot of the packing/cleaning while my husband carried boxes, furniture, etc., We picked out and coordinated a beautiful paint scheme for my son's nursery and honestly I was quite thankful I did NOT have to paint since I was pretty pregnant. That's the last thing I really did with my house...and I didn't even do it. Between a month of bed rest, learning how to be a Mom of a newborn that quickly grew up to the toddler stage, working full time and trying to catch all the other household duties from falling by the wayside...I just haven't had time nor financial resources to do anything. Sure doing small things don't cost money, but seriously I am in a creative drought.

I will sit there and look at my house, Mom's house or even friends house and imagine a design scheme in my head. I think about the design of different living spaces in what colors I would use, furniture options, etc., When I walk into creative commercial design spaces (i.e, Bean Tree and Loudoun Birthing Inn), I silently compliment fantastic design and when I walk into crappy designed spaces...I think of how I would do better. It all plays out in my head, but just not acted upon. I have a four year degree and know what to look for in finding GREAT furniture (joints really will tell you quality), different specs on spaces (i.e, how big walk ways should be, recessed lights on the ceiling, etc.,), color theory (did you know studies have shown that if you paint a babies room yellow babies cry more then if its painted blue or pink), etc., I know my stuff...but just don't use it.

So I have to think of some creative outlet. Maybe I'll bust out my draft table from my parents house and render a perspective of a beautiful illustrated room that I wish I could afford or wish I had am moment to design....I just need to find the time.