The Waiting Game

My daughter since birth has not passed her right ear hearing test. It was a shock to me as they took my two day old infant, put the little tube in her ear and with a heavy sigh said, "she isn't passing". I got a somewhat reassured smile from the friendly hospital hearing specialist telling me everything is okay and perhaps there is fluid still in her ear from birth. I decided for now that was what it was as I didn't want to stress too hard about it as I was still in the ICU from severe high blood pressure. The less stress on me the better as any stress increased my blood pressure ten fold. I came back to the hospital two weeks later to repeat the test. I had prayed beforehand and assumed everything would be fine. She failed. I cried. The waiting game began.

We were referred to an audiologist for a more thorough hearing test. When we arrived when my sweet pea was a month old, the audiologist told me the test would take quite a while for all the measurements. As in, I would hold her to keep her still and we would sit there for at least over an hour. I was terrified. I held my sweet little girl and prayed to God and pleaded with him to take my hearing if needed so she could hear with both of her little ears. The audiologist told us to keep her still and fearful that any movement would skew the test, I sat there praying, holding back tears and I didn't move a muscle. If I could of held my breath the entire time, I would of done that as well. When the test was all over and done with the entire right side of my body was numb and completely asleep. Thankfully, the ABR bone test showed that she wasn't deaf. Praise God! It was concluded at the end of the visit that she wasn't getting sound through her ear canal and they weren't sure if it was fluid or something else. The next step was to continue getting measurements for the next three months to conclude she still has a problem as they said perhaps the problem would resolve itself. Again, the waiting game. I had no idea if the bones in her fragile little ear were set right or if she had fluid or something else was wrong. It was the unknown that was terrifying. I couldn't help but worry and I retreated back into my little place of worry and told practically no one.

Three more tests over four and a half months concluded the same thing, she had some sort of hearing deficiency. We were then referred to an ENT to put tubes in her ears. We did. I sat there as my little six month old got carried away by some wonderful nurses and once again held my breath. She was so little, so sweet and so smiley. I hated knowing that she trusted me and they would put her under anesthesia. I also knew it was the best thing I could do for her. I feared so much during those ten minutes I was away from her. What if this didn't fix it? What if she has a delay like her brother because of hearing? The unknowns can make any parent go crazy.

Today we went in for her post tube audiology appointment. I waited again, holding my breath, praying so hard for this little, beautiful angel that was smiling back at me during her exam. The audiologist saw my worry and reassured me the Princess has one good ear. I am thankful for that but of course I want two good ears. After what seemingly felt like forever, she passed. My baby finally passed after eight months of waiting. I held back tears, kissing my little girl. She had no idea the worry her parents had. She had no idea the countless prayers, tears, conversations with God (more like pleading) and reassured hugs I needed from my husband.

I am so thankful that my princess can hear and hopefully this is the end of her ear troubles. Unless something else comes up with infections, language issues, etc., I won't have to see the audiologist again. I feel for any parent waiting on anything that gives them worry over their child. Its the unknown that just sucks. My prayers are with those parents who are waiting on answers. God bless you.