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Monday, March 19, 2012


Tomorrow I'm going in for LASIK...and I'm completely freaked out. I have been waiting forever to get it and had one set back forcing it to get postponed, but I'm entirely freaked out about the entire process. I keep thinking...its my eyes. I pray and hope to God that everything is fine. It is the unknown that freaks me out.

LASIK is something I never thought I would do. It sounds martyr like when I say this (and I'm not trying to), but I don't buy things for myself. Shopping for just me consists of the twice a year when my Mom and I go out for my birthday and Christmas shopping. Other then that...I don't buy things really. I'd rather spend it on my kids, husband, house, dogs or whatever. The last person I spend money on usually is me. I even force myself to get haircuts twice a year because I hate spending the time away from my kids. I literally feel guilty and watch the clock the entire time and often talk myself out of telling them NOT to blow dry my hair because I'm afraid it will sound tacky and I should just take that extra ten minutes. Forking over THOUSANDS was hard...really hard. I talked myself into it after needing $400 worth of contacts, a upgrade with my lens for glasses, the cost of solution and contact cases and the annoying cornea infection I had due to my contacts earlier last year. I figured if I maxed out my health flex spending account and saved a little, then why not. I figured with the cost of upkeeping my eyes that it will easily pay for itself in a few years time.

After I got the consultation, got the approval, got the dialation, paid...I had a set back on my surgery date. At the pre-op they told me that my eyes were dry and I need to do x,y,z to correct it. I followed that plan religiously for the next week never DREAMING that I'd not have surgery. The time came, got my eyes checked and I was told I couldn't have it for another few weeks. Logically I got why. I don't want someone poking around my eyes when they aren't ready. Emotionally it was another story. I was a wreck. I bawled in the doctors office. It wasn't a sniff sniff was an ugly cry. I had hyped myself up so much on this impending surgery and for nothing to happen was just an enormous emotional let down.

Now its just hours before I am getting this and my mind is racing. I'm thinking about the cutting of the flap, being on an operating table (I never have been on one) and them messing with my eyes. I know the result is amazing, but I can't help wonder if something will go wrong. I kept looking at my children tonight silently praying that after tomorrow I'll be able to see them again. Its a morbid way of thinking about something that is completely optional, but it makes you wonder. My kids are my world and well I like having some sight even if I'm blind as a bat without glasses.

I need to meditate. I need to pray. I need to think of how awesome the results will be. I compare it a lot to really don't want to go through the experience, but the end result is going to be worth it. I just pray, hope and wish everything goes well tomorrow. I just want the entire thing to be done with and see well. Pray for me. Its going to be a long day tomorrow....

1 comment:

MoreThanMommy said...

I'll be praying for you today. Love you!