Yesterday's Post, Last Nights Dream

First, I really enjoyed for my own reflection on yesterday's post. It was something I am not overly open with though I am sure a lot of people know anyways, but I wanted to reflect on why I first went to JROTC and why people that were apart of it were so important to me. I am very happy and thrilled for SGM's new journey in life and hopefully we can meet up for lunch soon. That being said, with my days reflection on my past...I ended up having a dream about my past that scared the living day lights out of me.

In my dream last night I was at some sort of bowling ally. I haven't been to one in ages, so I am not sure why I even thought about it, but it was an open room that I was stuck in with a lot of people...including the old ex-boyfriend. In this dream I was the scared, little girl again that didn't know how to get out. I remember looking for doors that I could run out of, but there weren't any. Ex-boyfriend acted as though we were together...like he did for a year and a half AFTER we had broken up in high school. He held and lead me forcefully by my neck like he used to in school when he was annoyed with me through this bowling ally to find a quiet spot to talk. Once we were at whatever location he wanted, he started talking to me as if everything was fine (the Dr. Jerkyl/Mr. Hyde thing all over again). In the dream I was timid, scared...again a lot like how I remembered I used to be. I amused him like a hostage does to her captor by saying the things I knew he wanted me to say to him. The dream ended with him leaving out the door to catch a ride, and left on his own terms...not mine. I woke up mad at myself for not changing my own dream and scared because I wasn't yet with reality. I also woke up...nauseated and even threw up once I started to get ready.

With dreams, I figure there is sometimes a warning sign. I know this sounds absurd to some, but I just think that maybe sometimes there are either meanings behind it or something I just need to face more head on. I became concerned with knowing where this guy was. It was only a few years ago when he showed up at my parents door step and tried to see me while my husband (then boyfriend, maybe he was my fiance then) told him to never come back. My husband described my ex-boyfriend as giving him a once over like he was sizing him up (I can imagine it easily as I have seen him do it a hundred times before) and finally left begrudgingly defeated. As insane as it sounds I wanted to know where he was, so I googled him...he's in Colorado. I'd rather him in Bangkok or something like that, but he's far away enough for me.

I'm left feeling a bit uneasy today. I am sure some of you have had dreams that have shook you to your core in either feeling angry, sad or scared once you woke up. My nightmare...dream...whatever you want to call it was once a reality for me. It was a long time ago, but reliving it last night really scared me. Thankfully the weekend will be full of friends, family and good times so I can concentrate on my life at the present, which is happy, loving and safe.

Have a great weekend everyone!