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Friday, January 30, 2009

Unwanted Advice

I am very careful when giving other Moms or pregnant Moms to be advice. At least I try to be and hope that I don't offend or annoy anyone. Why is that? Because I had my fill and still do at times getting advice that I didn't ask for or want. I found it annoying and almost rude because the advice seemed at times very insistent.

I obviously got advice from my Mom and my Mother in law. Some of it was good and some of it was way wrong or did not fit in with my family choices. On the other hand some advice that I did receive from family or friends was great and more or less it was great because of how the individual would give me the advice. It was given in the sense "not sure if this fits for you, but I tried this" sort of way. It wasn't intrusive or overbearing to my already over sensitive personality.

I did on the other hand, get a lot of negative comments or crappy advice that I still resent to this day. I remember a supposed friend telling me all sorts of crazy things like "I just don't get why Moms would not at least try to breast feed." She didn't know my choices or thoughts on that when I was pregnant, but why be so negative? Turns out I tried to breastfeed, but it didn't work. I have what you would say inverted nipples? I remember the lactation consultant and a nurse pulling and pinching my breasts in the hospital while my crying newborn was asking for milk and my breast nor my son did not want anything to do with breast feeding. It became stressful and way too much for me, so I stopped and decided that formula feeding would be my choice. I didn't think too much about it either. After all, there was more to worry about then my failed attempts at breastfeeding, I was learning how to be a Mom.

Fast forward a bit, that same friend learned that I was not breastfeeding nor pumping. You would of thought I was the most horrible Mom in the world with the looks of displeasure on her face. Then the bashing started. I like 90% of Moms that just had a baby, had trouble losing the weight. Hell, I still have trouble losing the baby weight. I am not like those very fortunate few that lose the baby weight with no problem at all. I am so jealous of those Moms. In any case, I did have a few extra pounds on me. I remember this same person telling me that if I breastfeed that I would have easily lost the weight. At that time I was still quite sensitive on the not breastfeeding issue. I did move pass it because there were just more pressing things in my life, but being reminded how I failed was not pleasant. I was honestly stunned. I am a passive type and not argumentative, so I probably let it go too long and too far, but that line was repeated at least once a week for a year until I basically cut off all ties from this person. It ended up that she was talking trash about all of her friends, just not me. I was thankful for that in a ways. Not because I want my own friends to be talked badly about, but because at least I wasn't singled out.

To be honest, I am not sure how you go about responding to unwanted advice or being overly pressured by people in your lives. I guess the best thing is try to ignore it as much as possible or say something clever to get these annoying people off your back. So ladies (and gentleman if you read this blog), be kind to your fellow Mommies or Daddies. You can give advice, but do so carefully and gently so you aren't one of "those Moms". Be supportive of other Moms, because at the end of the day we all want to do what we think is best for our own children.

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