First Day

Today was Pumpkin's first day at his new day care. I prepared everything the night before (sheet, blanket, diapers, etc.,) so we could easily get out the door. I pumped up my little guy about all the fun he was going to have and he was so ready he was asking me to put his shoes on last night so he could go already...okay so maybe I pumped him up too much. I was already prepared to stay however long this morning for my son's first day so he would feel comfortable in his new surroundings. I was prepared for everything for him...what I was not prepared was for myself.

I was relieved walking in on his first day to meet with the Director who escorted me back to the classroom. I was also a little more surprised that she stayed with me to also encourage my son (along with my encouragement) about his new friends and new classroom. I briefed the teacher about his speech, told her words he knew and told them about his napping habits (more or less give him a pacifier) and told them if they have any questions to call me. My little guy (God bless him) is really an amazing kid. He looked very unsure his first few moments in the classroom. Thankfully this morning they were playing with blocks and trucks, which is something he absolutely loves. Other children were also in the room, which really helped break the ice. He then spotted a kitchen set...SCORE! My little guy let go of me and headed to his new discovery. I smiled thankful that he had enough encouragement and felt secure enough to let go the comforting arms of his Mom. I saw this as the best time for me to leave, so I told him that I was going and that I will see him after I get off work. He gave me a little kiss and was ready for the day. I walked out of day care, got in my car and cried.

I know it may sound silly to some of you to cry when he was perfectly okay. I know they are capable and I know he will have fun. I just feel that Mom guilt...that ever pressing guilt of not doing enough or whatever that Moms frequently have when it comes to their kids. I just felt terrible that I had to go to work and terrible that my son would have to discover a new environment for an extended time today all on his own...he's only two. It was somewhat worse today leaving him then when I left him at three months old after my maternity leave was over because he was aware...he knew that his Mom was leaving and he certainly did not know anyone there.

...I called at 10am like one of those worried Moms. I really had to struggle not to call sooner then that because I figured he needed SOME time to at least get some experience in his new setting. He is doing fine...ate a great breakfast, played blocks very well with the other kids and was just getting through with circle time. I know probably now at this time he is finishing up lunch and getting ready for a nap. I am looking at the time wondering when I can leave work....which knowing me...will be a TAD bit early today just because.

I just wasn't prepared today for my emotions and my reaction to him starting a new school. I kept remembering to send out "positive vibes" to him that when I finally came with grips about everything...it freaked me out a bit. I miss him. I miss his smiling little face and his little man attitude. I'll see him soon enough though.