Being Brave

Today was a hard day for me...forget the stress of my son having his behavioral issues. We are working on it and it will be too soon a passing phase. We just have to remain being consistent. What was hard for me today was my Mom undergoing another heart procedure and more accurately called, a node ablation.

I won't tell her but I stayed up some sleepless nights praying for her, worrying for her and being angry that this has to happen to her because she is in fact my rock. I have always been a Mama's girl and proud to say that. We have a terrific bond. She and I are a lot alike in personality with being over sensitive, feisty, and drive to prove people wrong when they're being stupid. I am very much like her and with that we have an unique understanding on each others personalities.

Today for the fourth time she had another heart procedure. Its hard seeing your Mom, the woman that fought for you growing up, cradled you even when you were too big to be cradled and my rock being so....helpless. I don't want to say that candidly because my Mom is very capable even her sickest days cause that woman is a feisty thing, but if you ever seen anyone come out of anesthesia you know they aren't really "there". They need you to be their advocate. To speak up to the nurses. To tell the docs and medical staff that she needs this or that. In a way you switch places to becoming her caregiver and thats strange for me.

When I visited my Mom in the hospital today, she was in some considerable pain aside from the expected after surgery pain. I always had a way with her in making her feel better...again we read each other very well. We know how each other ticks. So while she was concentrated on the pain, I did my best to take her mind off of it and tried talking to her about this or that. Then I had an idea. Growing up we had so many "us" songs. I am sure she sang many of them to my sister as well, but one was ours. It was a song by Petula Clark's called Downtown. So I started whispering as well as I could our song..."when you're alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go...downtown." I finally got a smile out of her and she grinned for several minutes. The nurse came in behind me while I was whispering out that song and waited until I turned around. I was a bit embarrassed to have an audience, but for my Mom...I'll do anything for her. I got an approving smile as she nurse checked her vitals and then it was time for me to go back to work.

It was a hard day being brave...being the adult...switching roles, but hopefully this day will be the day that my mom has a new turn around. A day where she starts feeling better. Then when she's ready maybe we can go on an outing like so many times before, I'll pop in the CD and we can sing Downtown as loud and as obnoxious like silly teenage girls like we used to.