What I Was and What I am Now

Ever since I became a Mom, I have had a few realizations of the woman that I once was before kids is not the woman I am now. I am a Mom first, then a wife and then me. You can agree or disagree with my hierarchy of what I am and what I choose to be, but it is who I am and it works in my family. I don’t want you to think that my post is me wishing I had a different life or that I miss the old one. Take this post as a matter of fact thought out realization of the woman I have become and the girl I once was.

Before kids life was different. Schedules other then going to work were very lax. I cared about the clothes I wore, that my makeup was put on each and every morning and that my hair was washed not at night but in the morning so it would look in pristine condition when I would enter the real world. I had sexy jeans (all girls at one time have these). I shaved my legs more then once a week. I even took naps during the day. My two bathrooms were scrubbed and cleaned top to bottom EVERY (yes I said every) Friday or Saturday. Girls night was a monthly ritual. Eating out with my husband at a nice restaurant was a common occurrence. There was money to spare and designer purses (at least the knock offs) were “my thing”. I even remember wishing that I could get away with wearing my high heel red coach shoes all year round, but sadly they were a sandal high heel and there is nothing I hate more then cold feet in the winter.

Today I look at myself much different. My schedule is run by the two year old “emperor” in my house. Nap times, bed times, meal times, snack times all have to be considered. Wearing the latest fashion? Not so much anymore. Of course I like to look cute, but instead of low neck, cute and colorful little tops I wear anything that hides my Mommy gut. If they are colorful then that’s a bonus, but for some reason the fashion designers is against anything with color when you have a tummy. My makeup is a 50/50 occurrence. I could go or not go without it depending the time I have and if I have the energy to really care. My hair? Well it is clean I’ll give you that, but with time constraints and just pure convenience for the most part it is washed at night. When I wake up, my hair resembles Medusa and then takes a wet brush to manage all the little girlish wisps I still have that I will seemingly NEVER grow out of. Sexy jeans don’t exist in my world. I am glad when I was able to put on non-maternity jeans post pregnancy and almost two years later. If I could wear one pair of jeans from my pre-pregnancy days regardless if they are sexy or not then I am proud of myself. Sexy? Yeah right. Then the shaving of the legs. Do I shave them twice a week? Heck no. I am glad when I can shave my legs once a week and that’s if I do it while the baby is asleep. Scrubbing bathrooms from top to bottom? HAHA! I laugh at that person. The bathrooms will get wiped down here and there but I don’t remember when a full cleaning was done in one sitting. Perhaps the counters and toilets may be done one week and the bathtub/shower area done another week if I am lucky. They aren’t nasty, but I sure as hell wouldn’t eat off the floor. Eating out at restaurants used to be a luxury until my son could walk. He used to as an infant sit so nicely in his carrier. I remember a few times when other restaurant patrons would mention how they didn’t even realize we had a baby with us because he was so quiet. Now days there are screaming, crying, because meals should be instant like fast food and shouldn’t go longer then 15-20 minutes. Its cool, I realize that so we plan ahead on where we eat now. Naps are an occasional thing. 90% of the time, I don’t nap when my son naps. Its just too convenient to do the things that I need to get done while he is asleep because if I tried doing things while he was awake, then it would either not get done OR would take twice the amount of time to complete it. Girls nights are now maybe on a quarterly basis. Its not because we don’t want to see each other but with kids and other busy schedules its hard to nail down a time when everyone can come. It’s a success when half the crew can make it! Also purses and high heeled shoes are no longer a necessity in my world. I typically carry diaper bags and wearing high heels while carrying a 25lb plus toddler just isn’t ideal. My money is better well spent putting it towards college and buying cute little shirts with monkeys, cars and Sesame characters on them (for my son, not me). Kate Spade, Prada, and Coach can just move on over because its all about Gymboree, Janie and Jack and The Children’s Place now days.

I think women go into having their first child a bit naïve on how much change will really happen in their life. How could we not? No experienced Mom could EVER give us the complete low down of what goes into a day in the life of a Mom. We can watch other Moms, read countless books and hear countless words of advice and/or stories, but we won’t get it until it happens. Some mourn the loss of their old self before having kids. Although I would like to sleep in on occasion, run an errand without it taking twice the amount of time and actually have more money to spare, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Being the old me is part of my past like my childhood is part of my past. It is something I look back on fondly and without regret. I look at what is now and what is real and most importantly what is important. Will I care years from now what my hair looked like or what outfit I bought that looked oh so sexy on me? I don’t think so. I’ll have memories of blowing daffodils with my son, playing in the sandbox with him and remembering the pure happiness my husband has on his face when his son excitedly says his name and runs up to him after two claps and gives him a hug.